IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

society is experiencing an increase in many problems such as crime and drug abuse due to urbanization. Give some suggestions to control this trend?

#society #crime #drug #abuse #urbanization #suggestions #control #trend
Urbanisation is a development for countries.
However
, it
also
 leads to hurdles
such
 as
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 crimes like thefts, rapes, and murders
as well as
 young
people
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 addicted to drugs.
This
 is a topic of concern. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 steps to tackle
this
 problem. To commence with,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should impose strict fines and
guideliness
Correct your spelling
guidelines
 on victims so that
people
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
show examples
 to commit it.
For example
,
according to
 a
study
Add a comma
study,
show examples
 Dubai is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 safest
county
Correct your spelling
country
show examples
 in the world only
due to
 the monetary values and imprisonments associated
according to
Change preposition
with
show examples
offends
Replace the word
offences
show examples
.
Thus
, tourists and locals can travel without any worry.
Additionally
, there should be
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 on
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
 supply. Border security should be high so that no one can transfer dangerous materials from one place to another. It will
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in lower drug
abusement
Replace the word
abuse
show examples
 among citizens.
Additionally
, there must be free education for all
people
 whether he is poor or rich on
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 level. If
people
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 they can get
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about
but
Correct word choice
what
show examples
 is good and bad. Eventually, before
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 crimes they will think
is
Correct word choice
if is
show examples
 it worthwhile or
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 leads to drawbacks.
Hence
, the rates of
such
 problems will be lower to a higher extent.
In addition
 to
this
, web suffering ought to be controlled by parents. they must know what their kids are watching. There must be
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 on websites
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 instance, porn sites.
This
 will benefit to reduce the rapes of women in the society.
To sum up
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of cities is a gift for humans. It is predicted that many new issues are
arised
Correct your spelling
raised
arise
 which are dangerous to
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 and nations. After an
analysis
Add a comma
analysis,
show examples
 it can be solved if measures are taken by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and parents.
Submitted by kb781920 on

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coherence cohesion
It is important to ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Your introduction should explicitly introduce the topic and the main points, while the conclusion should summarize the arguments made without introducing new ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, and the subsequent sentences should support that topic.
task achievement
The essay provides a response to the task, but it lacks full development of ideas. To improve task achievement, ensure that the prompt is addressed entirely and the response is well elaborated. This can be achieved by expanding on the suggestions with more detailed explanations and by providing specific, realistic, and relevant examples to illustrate each point.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • community policing
  • youth programs
  • education systems
  • economic disparity
  • criminal activities
  • drug rehabilitation
  • substance abuse
  • urban planning
  • public spaces
  • mental health services
  • legal ramifications
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