IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that international trade and communication with other countries is a positive trend, while others think it is harmful to nations and they might lose their identities. To what extend do you agree or disargee with this statement?

#people #trade #communication #countries #trend #nations #identities #disargee
Our planet has become a huge village where everything is connected with
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world wide web
Correct your spelling
World Wide Web
show examples
 and
international
Correct article usage
the international
show examples
market
. If
people
 only wish they can order, message and even book tickets from
one
 side of Earth to another which only takes a couple of weeks or a few seconds to get desired stuff or data.
However
, these developments in human connections are considered harmful for several parts of our life in general.
For example
, some
people
 consider these kinds of improvements may deteriorate local
market
 sales or even
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
small
countries
 that may lose their identities.
Nonetheless
, other
people
 find more benefits
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
also
 support the idea of worldwide trade and connection. Some
people
 think it will lead to
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
 of identity as a nation or damage local markets because of high competition.
For example
, in Japan, the local
market
 of food has been suffering for many years filling the local
market
 with only foreign products.
According to
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
are done
Wrong verb form
,
show examples
 the
countries
 which have
one
 of the strongest international bonds with other
countries
 are thriving economically and spreading their traditions, languages
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 local products to the whole world. The thing is it's more beneficial to create a strong connection with other
countries
 rather than searching for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways of keeping domestic goods only in a particular area.
For instance
, South Korea has become
one
 of the top leaders in the beauty industry
due to
 its paraben-free and effective beauty products. And there is no reason that
people
 should not buy particular foreign goods in order to not damage the local beauty
market
 when they can afford much more high-quality items.
To sum up
, I consider the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Transporting goods for long distances stimulates the greenhouse effect which we are craving to hold back.
On the other hand
, most of the manufacturers need parts of items that are made by other
countries
 to guarantee a good quality so it's almost impossible to restrain international trade.
In addition
, social sites have become a part of life which no
one
 can afford to be without.
Submitted by esenkulova.ulbosyn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay attempts to present arguments for both sides of the issue, but the position is not clearly stated in the introduction. The writer must express their opinion clearly, especially when the prompt asks to what extent they agree or disagree.
coherence cohesion
While the essay does contain an introduction and conclusion, they are underdeveloped. It is critical to have a strong thesis statement in the introduction and a summarization of points with a final opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, but the arguments could be developed further. It is important to provide specific examples and clear explanations to back up claims. Consider expanding on how international trade benefits countries socio-economically or how it might erode cultural identity, with concrete examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!