IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You hired a car from a company, while. While you were driving you had a small accident. Write a letter to the company to explain it. In your letter: •when and where you hired it •describe how the accident happened •what kind of action did you take after the accident

#car #company #accident #•when #•describe #•what #action
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to
informing
Change the verb form
inform
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 you about a small
car
 accident
happened
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
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 with a hired
car
 from your company. Actually, I rented a
car
 from your company two days back from your Etobicoke, Ontario branch, that was
black
Correct article usage
a black
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 Toyota Highlander SUV. I hired
this
car
 for a family trip to Ottawa from January 10 to January 14.
This
 incident happened in the
car
 park , I was entering
in
Change preposition
apply
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the parking lot
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 park my
car
. There was a
car
 driver who was taking out
his
Change preposition
of his
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car
 from parking, but he did not blink any indicator light and he was taking out
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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very fast from
parking
Add an article
the parking
a parking
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 spot. At that time he
hitted
Correct your spelling
hit
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 my vehicle and I got a small scratch on
Add an article
the driver
a driver
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driver
Change noun form
driver's
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 side window. I
immediatelly
Correct your spelling
immediately
 took some photos of his
car
 with his vehicle number plate and I took all
Correct article usage
the essentital
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essentital
Correct your spelling
essential
 details like
driving
Wrong verb form
his driver's
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 licence number and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 copy of the
car
 insurance. I have
also
 his cell number
where
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 your company can contact him when they
Change the verb form
need
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needs
Correct pronoun usage
needs him
show examples
. I am apologizing for your loss and I have
also
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
insurance
of
Change preposition
for
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hired
Add an article
the hired
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 vehicle, so you can claim
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
insurance for that loss. I hope you will understand
this
 incident and give me
immediate
Add an article
an immediate
show examples
 response. Your Faithfully, Jatin
Submitted by Jatinderjass.jj on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of events and provide a clear introductory statement for better logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Attempt to use more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures; this will enhance the coherence and cohesion of the letter.
coherence cohesion
The greeting could be enhanced by being more personalized if the person's name is known; otherwise it is adequate. For the closing, use 'Yours faithfully' (if you don't know the name) or 'Yours sincerely' (if you know the name).
task achievement
Make sure to directly address all the bullet points from the prompt clearly and concisely to achieve a higher task response score.
task achievement
While the tone of the letter is somewhat suitable, work on making your writing style more formal and polite to align with the context of writing to a company.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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