Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

It is said that advertising

play

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plays

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a significant role in our lives, impacts of which are completely unavoidable either positive or negative. In my book, advertising is no longer effective and even detrimental (harmful)

although

it is beneficial and will discuss my reasons below. On the one hand, advertising

introduce

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introduces

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available

products

without which many of them will be unheard of / remain unknown.

In addition

, it can lead

public

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the public

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to be aware of

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

and drawbacks of those

products

As a result

, people can decide on what is exactly useful for them.

Otherwise

, without advertising, they always prefer to choose the things that they used to consume, actually depending on their previous information.

On the other hand

, others including me argue that advertising mislead

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

about

products

. In fact, there are lots of psychological issues that are considered in

advertisements

which grab public attention.

For instance

, in almost all of the

advertisements

, an unimportant quality, which is not as effective as it seems, is exaggerated.

This

feature is what

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

makes a product

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a best-seller

although

anyone

pay

Change the verb form

pays

show examples

no attention if it is true or not. I believe honesty is

Change the article

the

show examples

best policy and it is what is not considered

Correct your spelling

show examples

advertisements

. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages

for

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show examples

advertisements

. Some said that it is useful as it increases their awareness about available

products

and their features.

However

, I believe the disadvantages of that far outweigh its benefits as it can cause people’s misleading.

As a result

, they may purchase impulsively which is based on psychological gimmick/ policy.

Submitted by Raeisinarges1995 on Mon Jan 15 2024

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Introduction & Conclusion

Ensure you provide a clear introduction that presents the topic and a clear statement of your opinion. The essay lacks a proper thesis statement.

Conclusion

End with a stronger conclusion that summarises both views and clearly restates your own opinion.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences effectively, avoiding overuse or incorrect use.

Supporting Main Points

Develop each main point with an extended and focused argument, including more detailed and specific examples.

Task Response

Fully address all parts of the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response.

Ideas & Examples

Expand on ideas to show a clear understanding of the topic by adding more depth and personal input.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects?

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