IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#part #everyone’s #life #people #lives
It is said that advertising
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a significant role in our lives, impacts of which are completely unavoidable either positive or negative. In my book, advertising is no longer effective and even detrimental (harmful)
although
 it is beneficial and will discuss my reasons below. On the one hand, advertising
introduce
Change the verb form
introduces
show examples
 available
products
 without which many of them will be unheard of / remain unknown.
In addition
, it can lead
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to be aware of
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and drawbacks of those
products
.
As a result
, people can decide on what is exactly useful for them.
Otherwise
, without advertising, they always prefer to choose the things that they used to consume, actually depending on their previous information.
On the other hand
, others including me argue that advertising mislead
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 about
products
. In fact, there are lots of psychological issues that are considered in
advertisements
 which grab public attention.
For instance
, in almost all of the
advertisements
, an unimportant quality, which is not as effective as it seems, is exaggerated.
This
 feature is what
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes a product
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a best-seller
although
 anyone
pay
Change the verb form
pays
show examples
 no attention if it is true or not. I believe honesty is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best policy and it is what is not considered
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
advertisements
. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
advertisements
. Some said that it is useful as it increases their awareness about available
products
 and their features.
However
, I believe the disadvantages of that far outweigh its benefits as it can cause people’s misleading.
As a result
, they may purchase impulsively which is based on psychological gimmick/ policy.
Submitted by Raeisinarges1995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure you provide a clear introduction that presents the topic and a clear statement of your opinion. The essay lacks a proper thesis statement.
Conclusion
End with a stronger conclusion that summarises both views and clearly restates your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences effectively, avoiding overuse or incorrect use.
Supporting Main Points
Develop each main point with an extended and focused argument, including more detailed and specific examples.
Task Response
Fully address all parts of the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response.
Ideas & Examples
Expand on ideas to show a clear understanding of the topic by adding more depth and personal input.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: