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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
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Nowadays, there is rapid growth in the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
 around the globe.
Although
 the old
population
 is thought by some to be useful for society, other
people
 consider that it can cause some issues with the unemployment rate. In my opinion, I think that the elderly can bring out more benefits for society compared to any drawbacks. One of the major benefits is that older
people
used to
Verb problem
apply
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have more experience
before
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apply
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, which is an opportunity to gain advice for young
people
. As the elderly’s living life before new technology has major changes in the world.
For instance
, many professors in the world’s classiest universities, who taught and educated many students, were extremely well-informed about their fields of study.
Furthermore
, it means that they have lived for a long time and have witnessed a variety of kinds of matters that teach them how to tackle problems.
On the other hand
, the main drawbacks are the rise in the
population
 of citizens and unemployment.
In addition
, the
student
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students
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, who graduated from their school, cannot find jobs because the senior
people
 are in positions at the company.
For example
, the number of jobless
people
 in Singapore has significantly increased over time since the potential of older personnel is more advantageous to the manufacturer than younger
people
.
Therefore
,
population
 growth affected the number of
people
 finding jobs. In conclusion, weighing up both sides of the argument, I would say that the positive aspects of the high-experience elderly
population
 in society outweigh any of the basic bad points,
such
 as non-employment.
Submitted by mynonames on

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Task Achievement
Task Achievement: Your response completes the task, but you could enhance your essay by expanding on the advantages and disadvantages with more depth and breadth. Develop each advantage and disadvantage with comprehensive ideas and thorough explanations that fully address the implications for society and government.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay has a logical structure although introduction and conclusion need better articulation, and the main points are supported. Improve the cohesion by linking ideas more smoothly using a variety of cohesive devices. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting sentences that directly relate to it.
Task Achievement
Examples: Include more specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. They add depth to your writing and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic. Make sure your examples are directly related to the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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