The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvangtages?

In
this
21st century, the increase of
technology
has a special impact on personal
relationships
and
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
aspect is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Whether
people
should use the Internet to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication between humans is a recurring argument. The writer contends that the benefits of improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relationships
and
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties in business outweigh the drawbacks of weak security and potential fraud. One of the most advantageous
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
show examples
is that
ultilising
Correct your spelling
utilising
utilizing
social
media
can enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
acitive
Correct your spelling
active
positive
relationships
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
all ages. Because of the high-tech system,
people
easily make friends and have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meetings online with different kinds of
people
. Take Facebook as an example, the popularity of Facebook has connected
billion
Correct your spelling
billions
show examples
of
people
around the world through the function of adding friends and video calls.
Thus
, social
media
has a vital role in building
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new
relationships
.
Avoid
Wrong verb form
Avoiding
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties in business
also
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
to be considered. In the past, businessmen had to trade directly via ships
as well as
exported
Replace the word
export
show examples
products to the market through face-to-face meetings. Nowadays, social
media
offers businesses the opportunity to create and share
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
to raise awareness about their brands.
As a result
, it helps to promote the products,
for instance
, use
the
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apply
show examples
websites
such
as Amazon, Shopee or
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
to drive traffic to blog posts and advertise.
Therefore
, digital
technology
distributes informative and entertaining information for VIP customers and existing audience, the magic of social
media
actually get in front of
people
.
However
, the development of
technology
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
a few individuals tend to have illegal behaviours. It is recognised that some
people
base on social
media
to make money in the wrong way by stealing others' data,
leads
Correct pronoun usage
which leads
show examples
to problems of potential fraud and lack of security.
This
is true, but using social
media
will encourage
people
to open their
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
show examples
and surge to economic growth and trade with foreign nations.
Consequently
,
technology
push
Change the verb form
pushes
show examples
people
ahead and closer not only with humans in their country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
with international friends. In conclusion, the possible impact of substandard security and potential fraud is outweighed by the opportunity to improve
relationships
and business.
Hence
, it shows clearly the beneficial aspects of
ultilising
Correct your spelling
utilising
utilizing
social
media
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of points with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately but avoid overuse or mechanical repetition.
coherence cohesion
Fully extend and develop each main point, providing clear explanations or examples.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task with relevant points, ensuring a complete response to the question.
task achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively, with detailed reasoning and pertinent examples.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to support your arguments and enhance task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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