IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication
There is no denying that social
media
 platforms have impacted our relationships and society. I contend that despite the risk of addiction, using social
media
 for communication is more beneficial,
due to
 its speed and the way it is used to spread
news
. The most advantageous factor of using social
media
 to communicate is its speed.
In other words
, people living around the world can communicate with each other without any delays, as the internet transmits these messages at lightning speed and eliminates the tedious processes of conventional mail.
For example
, a doctor working in Vietnam can ask for their European colleague's help when they are stuck in a bind. Another point worth mentioning is how
news
 agencies have used social
media
 to spread
news
. What I mean is that more and more people are using social
media
 as a
news
 source, as they have millions of active users.
For example
, during the Turkish Coup, many Turks
livestreamed
Correct your spelling
live-streamed
live streamed
 it on the internet, giving valuable insight into the situation to journalists and the general public.
However
, some argue that the risk of addiction is too high.
This
 is a credible point as social
media
 have been proven to be highly addictive and comparable to drugs. But
this
 can easily be solved by teaching people
self control
Add a hyphen
self-control
show examples
 and being responsible for themselves. Taking everything into consideration, the effects of addiction are outweighed by the speed and enhanced awareness that social
media
 provides.
Therefore
, using social
media
 to communicate is more beneficial.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. While your essay does have these elements, the transition between ideas could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your main points could be supported with more detailed and specific examples that directly relate to your viewpoint. Consider using more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the task with a response that is relevant, though the ideas could be further extended to show a more nuanced understanding, including a detailed consideration of both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Make sure your examples are fully elaborated and directly pertain to the point you are making, this adds depth to your argument and demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • real-time information
  • community building
  • marketing opportunities
  • self-expression
  • educational content
  • privacy concerns
  • data security
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • cyberbullying
  • interpersonal skills
  • distraction
  • productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: