Some people believe that the main reasons of learning a foreign language are travel and work, others said that there are many different reasons Discuss both views and give your opinion

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A common contention
stated
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states
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that learning a foreign language is
main
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mainly
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caused by travel and work,
whereas
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opponents contradict that view and believe there are various other
reasons
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that contributed to
such
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decision
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a decision
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.
Beside
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Besides
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those mentioned
reasons
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, I personally agree
to
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with
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the latter statement considering the fact that digital communication
are
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is
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also
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why people determined to do so.
To begin
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with, conquering non-native languages
are
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is
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beneficial for workers and travellers because they often aim to go abroad.
For instance
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, plenty of Asian multinational companies obligate their employees to take an IELTS test, the commonly utilized measurement of one's English skill, for the sake of clear communication to anticipate their visit to other countries.
Furthermore
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, tourists
also
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need that kind of communication to fully enjoy their trip. These are why many believe that the first statement is true.
Nevertheless
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, those are not the only backgrounds of
this
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phenomenon.
Beside
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Besides
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tours and
labours
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labour
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, multilingual individuals are often motivated by cyberspace conversations.
For example
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, online video games connect geographically diverse citizens
that
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which
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makes
this
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skill
is
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apply
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in favour
for
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of
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gamers.
This
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can minimize the possibility of players' miscommunication
while
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enhancing the bond between them.
To sum up
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, the need to travel and professional matters are not the mere
backgrounds
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background
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to learn a foreign language.
Although
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it is essential for those
reasons
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, cyber conversations are
also
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valid
reasons
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for learners.
Submitted by jelitasofiaz on

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task achievement
While your essay presents an introductory statement that attempts to address the topic, it lacks a clear thesis statement that explicitly states your opinion on the matter. Additionally, the main ideas are not entirely developed. A well-crafted essay should have a clear position that is consistently maintained throughout, with each paragraph exploring a different main point and how it supports the writer's view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates basic logical structuring with introductory and concluding paragraphs. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to delineate your points clearly. Ensure that every paragraph has a clear central idea which is expanded with explanations or examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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