Some people believe that the main reasons of learning a foreign language are travel and work, others said that there are many different reasons Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #language #travel #work

A common contention

stated

Wrong verb form

states

show examples

that learning a foreign language is

main

Replace the word

mainly

show examples

caused by travel and work,

whereas

opponents contradict that view and believe there are various other

reasons

that contributed to

such

decision

Correct article usage

a decision

show examples

Beside

Replace the word

Besides

show examples

those mentioned

reasons

, I personally agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

the latter statement considering the fact that digital communication

are

Change the verb form

show examples

also

why people determined to do so.

To begin

with, conquering non-native languages

are

Change the verb form

show examples

beneficial for workers and travellers because they often aim to go abroad.

For instance

, plenty of Asian multinational companies obligate their employees to take an IELTS test, the commonly utilized measurement of one's English skill, for the sake of clear communication to anticipate their visit to other countries.

Furthermore

, tourists

also

need that kind of communication to fully enjoy their trip. These are why many believe that the first statement is true.

Nevertheless

, those are not the only backgrounds of

this

phenomenon.

Beside

Replace the word

Besides

show examples

tours and

labours

Fix the agreement mistake

labour

show examples

, multilingual individuals are often motivated by cyberspace conversations.

For example

, online video games connect geographically diverse citizens

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

makes

this

skill

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

in favour

for

Change preposition

show examples

gamers.

This

can minimize the possibility of players' miscommunication

while

enhancing the bond between them.

To sum up

, the need to travel and professional matters are not the mere

backgrounds

Fix the agreement mistake

background

show examples

to learn a foreign language.

Although

it is essential for those

reasons

, cyber conversations are

also

valid

reasons

for learners.

Submitted by jelitasofiaz on Mon Jan 15 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

While your essay presents an introductory statement that attempts to address the topic, it lacks a clear thesis statement that explicitly states your opinion on the matter. Additionally, the main ideas are not entirely developed. A well-crafted essay should have a clear position that is consistently maintained throughout, with each paragraph exploring a different main point and how it supports the writer's view.

coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates basic logical structuring with introductory and concluding paragraphs. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to delineate your points clearly. Ensure that every paragraph has a clear central idea which is expanded with explanations or examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

226 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?
In some cities in the United States, adolescents cannot go out of their homes after certain [hour] at night if they are not together with an adult. I totally disagree with the statement because imposing curfews does not prevent criminality and containing teens at home during the night is an attack against their human rights.
4.5
band
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Students want to learn additional subjects in addition to the main subject at some universities. On the other hand, I believe that there is a need for more involvement in the main subject for a good qualification. In this essay, we will discuss both of these views, and I will try to explain my point of view.
5
band
With all the troubles in the world today, money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people convinced that investing money in the search of life on other planets is wastefulness. I totally agree that it would be wise to invest tax payers's money on the social welfare of people and to preserve our fuel resources, instead of discovering the plausible living conditions in another realm. This essay discusses and elaborates my reasons to support this argument.
6
band
In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.
In numerous nations worldwide, the burden of paying for medical treatment falls either on individuals themselves or on their employers. While this arrangement has been the norm for many years, there is a growing debate about whether governments should assume greater responsibility for the health of their citizens. In my view, the government should indeed play a more substantial role in ensuring the well-being of its people.
5.5
band
This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of three different media, namely books, radio and television. I will argue that television is the most powerful of these three media, in terms of its ability to communicate information.
In recent years, there are many forms of media developed through the ever increasing technology including books, radio and television, with youtube and facebook being the newest among these developments. However, out of all these platforms television stand out as the most beneficial media of all times. In this essay, i will discuss the pros and cons of radio, books and television and give reasons why i believe televions is the greatest of all.

Some people believe that the main reasons of learning a foreign language are travel and work, others said that there are many different reasons Discuss both views and give your opinion

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

With all the troubles in the world today, money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.

This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of three different media, namely books, radio and television. I will argue that television is the most powerful of these three media, in terms of its ability to communicate information.