Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In
this
age, while
preserving our identity is a crucial point, culture seems to be ignored by people who find new ways of living. In my opinion, rather than dismantling parts of who we are, I believe that we should learn how to move forward in this
generation while
keeping our ideology stay
true to itself.
First and foremost, Verb problem
apply
due to
globalization
people begin to engage with foreign beliefs that do not align with the culture that has been brought upon them. Add a comma
globalization,
Therefore
, some familiar morale that we inherited from our ancestors has somehow disappeared in our life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
This
issue surrounds big cities, namely the capital of Indonesia. As one of the gates for its population to the world, the capital could be the place where many individuals are starting to adapt with
modern thoughts, Change preposition
to
due to
constant exposure from
other country’s cultures.
Change preposition
to
Although
the global impact is becoming one of those things that we can not hold back, it is critical that traditions should always be in
perseverance. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, some places in the eastern part of Indonesia have become the talk of the world by still implementing traditional aspects constantly. While
being a tourist attraction, Bali never fails to maintain their true colours through generations. Proud is an understatement, overall
, each region's ideology is part of their identity.
In conclusion, cultures all around the world have become the faces of their country. As a representation of our people, it is important that we keep an eye on them. Thus
, there are countless ways to adapt with
nowadays trends without dismissing our originality.Change preposition
to
Submitted by adrianafitrizkisiri on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. While some sequence is evident, elaborating on the logical connections between points could enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, and you state your opinion; however, work on creating more impactful and distinct introductory and concluding paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are present, strive to further develop and support these ideas with additional explanations or examples for greater clarity and persuasiveness.
task achievement
You have responded to the task, but make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt. Be cautious not to overlook any aspect.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your main ideas to ensure a comprehensive understanding. A richer elaboration will strengthen the essay's clarity.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points. Examples should be clear and directly tied to the point they are supporting.
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