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The diagram illustrates the changes that have taken place in the West
park
Capitalize word
Park
show examples
 Secondary School from 1950 to 2010.
Overall
, the houses and farmland disappeared from the map, a car
park
, a science block and a
sporst
Correct your spelling
sports
sport
field
 were built, and the playground
area
 was reduced. In 1980, the
area
 where houses were placed in 1950 was transformed into a car
park
 and a science block.
Farmland
Correct article usage
The farmland
show examples
area
 became a sports
field
area
.
School
Add an article
The school
show examples
 became
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 building and in that year, no other changes were made. As 2010 approached,
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
park
area
 expanded and took the place where
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
field
 was in 1980.
Playground
Add an article
The playground
show examples
area
 was reduced and replaced by a sports
field
. The school and the science block remained the same. The main road remained unchanged throughout the period.
Submitted by edzcls on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, it is essential to ensure that all parts of the task are addressed. In this case, while the essay provides an overview and mentions the changes, it lacks specific examples to support the main points. Including data or specific instances would enrich the response.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, maintaining a logical structure to your writing is imperative. Although your essay is predominantly well-organized, the absence of a clear introduction and conclusion limits its effectiveness. Introductions should set the context, and conclusions should summarize the main points. Develop these sections to guide the reader more clearly through your narrative.
coherence cohesion
Within the body of your essay, each paragraph should focus on a particular aspect of the changes. This focus was somewhat evident but could be enhanced by more explicitly distinguishing the different time periods and developments. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and to connect ideas more smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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