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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
The are a lot of crimes which are committed by teenagers. Despite some
people
Add a missing verb
people's
show examples
 insist that youth must be punished differently in comparison with adults, I firmly believe that treatment should be equal. On the one side, young
people
 who commit crimes are not able to understand the consequences of the actions they take.
This
 is because they are not smart and educated enough. Strict punishment and long imprisonment influence them in a bad manner and deprive them of any possibility to recover and become normal citizens.
Due to
this
 most of them will become even more dangerous for society in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 future.
That is
 why equal punishment of youth and adults somebody seen as a controversial decision. On the other side,
people
 who commit heavy crimes, even if they are not old enough must take complete responsibility for their actions. A person who was raped or killed suffered the same way no matter who made the crime.
For instance
, teenagers who shut down children in Texas schools must be punished as adults,
otherwise
, they will appear as a great threat to
people
.
Thus
, equal punishment is important for eliminating the crime rate.
To sum up
, despite juveniles not always realizing the consequences of what they do, it is obvious that equal treatment of old and young
people
 helps to decrease crime levels because of the imprisonment of criminals and deprivation the normal society from them.
Submitted by tarasovnn on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a more structured approach, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should reflect each other in terms of the presented ideas. Strengthen the relationship between these sections to create a more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs that start with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. This will enhance the clarity of your main points.
task achievement
Address the task more fully by presenting a balanced discussion of the topic. Consider the implications and consequences of your opinion and discuss possible alternatives.
task achievement
Aim to present clear and comprehensive ideas, using appropriate signposting language to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to support your points effectively. This will strengthen your argument and showcase a deeper understanding of the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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