After being punished, many criminals continue to commit crimes. Why do some people commit crimes even after having been punished? What measures can be taken to tackle this problem.
There is a terrible phenomenon that a massive amount of
criminals
are always illegal again after being punished. This
essay will provide two main factors leading to these problems and give some solutions to deal with this
issue.
First of all, there are lack of an educated system to indicate criminals
after pushing, and society does not have a correct attitude to accept people who did something illegally. Therefore
, it is extremely difficult for ex-criminals
to find a job to support their daily expense. Due to
survival, they are forced to do something badly. For example
, in Taiwan, 43% of people were sent back to prison during the time that they were released 1 year ago because they could not do normal work in this
society. In brief, this
problem is caused by limited job opportunities and abilities for criminals
.
In addition
, providing several courses about practical skills for criminals
and rewarding supervisors who employ an ex-criminal in their company are two main solutions. As a result
, individuals will become more competitive in the labour market after leaving prison. What's more, the employee's motivation will increase because of some benefits of recruiting criminals
. According to
a report published by Japan in 2000, the rate of committing again sharply declined by 21% while
they carried out the course about how to fix machines and cooperate with factories. Hence
, making criminals
available to work is beneficial for society.
In conclusion, the problem of backing to jail is attributed to the chances of occasions for criminals
. Thus
, we should not only optimize their techniques but also
encourage people to provide more opportunities for ex-criminals
.Submitted by J.C.Li.1997.11 on
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coherence cohesion
Though the logical structure of the essay is relatively clear, some sentences could be elaborated on for better clarity. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by cohesive devices and appropriate paragraphing.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened by more directly addressing the prompt and clearly stating the essay's position on the topic. Try to start with a stronger hook in the introduction and finish with a more impactful final statement.
coherence cohesion
Introduce more specific and detailed examples to support your main points. This will help to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic and enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good attempt at responding completely to the task by discussing why criminals continue to commit crimes and suggesting measures. To improve, ensure you address each aspect of the question in equal measure and avoid repeating ideas.
task achievement
The ideas provided are on topic, but aim to develop them more fully for a clearer and more comprehensive response. Expand on the explanations to show deeper insight into the causes and solutions of the problem.
task achievement
Your use of examples is good, but more specific, real-life incidents and data could improve the essay's effectiveness. Ensure that the examples used are directly relevant to the argument being made and integrate them smoothly into the discussion.