Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #world #life

this

rapid world, the topic

about

Change preposition

show examples

aged

people

is frequently discussed by society .Many

people

believe that getting old is undesirable as you become useless,

while

others insist that the

life

of elderly

people

in today's world is several times better than it was in the past.

This

essay will try to explore both sides and in the end, I will share my point of view. On the one hand, it is an indisputable fact that over the years humans' energy and enthusiasm

reduce

Wrong verb form

have reduced

show examples

and

as a result

they become less moveable and useless in terms of family or environment.To be more clear,they prefer to stay in a quiet atmosphere and spend most of their time at home, behind the TV.

Thus

, the

life

of aged

people

can be considered bad and boring as they do not have anything special to do daily.

For instance

, my grandmother who is almost 84 years old has recently confirmed the negative sides of being old

such

as reduction of mood and laziness to name just a few. On the flip side, the

lives

of grandmothers and grandfathers improved in various aspects compared with their

lives

in the past.Saying thoroughly,nowadays the government

Add a missing verb

has increase

show examples

increase

Replace the word

increased

show examples

pensiones several times for pensioners and scores of volunteering programmes take place to aid elderly

people

by providing food, financial aid or just taking care of the elderly.

Hence

, they are financially secure, which is important, at the centre of attention.To cite an example,my grandmother told me that retired

people

in the past used to get a 30000AMD pension monthly,

while

now the lowest pension is 43000AMD. In my opinion, being old is not so bad as you can make your own entertainment.

For example

by playing board games with your peers or doing some sports exercises.With regard to their

life

,it is apt

to conclude

that their

life

becomes diligent as they do not have anything to worry about. Taking everything into account, getting old might not be as enjoyable and happy as youngsters'

lives

as they may lack mood or enthusiasm.

Nevertheless

, modern elderly

people

live tranquil and careless

lives

as they often get helped

due to

some voluntary programmes or some caring individuals.

Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on Mon Jan 15 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present

The essay needs to ensure that the introduction provides a clear background to the topic, presenting both views and the writer's own opinion succinctly. Currently, the introduction is lacking a clear thesis statement that clearly states the essay's purpose and direction. To score higher, make sure that your introduction paves the way for the reader by clearly outlining the forthcoming discussion.

logical structure

The essay demonstrates an attempt to structure the information logically, but the transitions between ideas are abrupt and do not allow a smooth flow of information. Employing a range of cohesive devices beyond 'On the one hand' and 'On the flip side' can strengthen the coherence. Furthermore, developing paragraphs with clear topic sentences and subsequent supporting sentences would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

supported main points

While you have presented some ideas related to the topic, they need to be developed in more depth. The main points require further explanation and more detailed examples to support your argument effectively. Work on expanding your ideas and providing more concrete evidence or illustrations to substantiate your points.

complete response

The response covers the task partially, addressing some elements of the prompt. However, it remains somewhat superficial and fails to explore the discussed views with the depth required at higher bands. Expand your ideas and elaborate more on how life for elderly people now compares with the past, and ensure that your own opinion is clear and well-supported throughout.

relevant specific examples

Specific examples have been included but they are either too generic or not fully exploited to demonstrate the point being made. For a higher score, include more vivid and pertinent examples that directly support your argument. Ensure that these examples are well-integrated into your essay and contribute to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

360 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

elderly
modern world
decline
physical
mental health
diseases
disabilities
social isolation
loneliness
access
healthcare
medications
lifelong learning
personal growth
social support
community engagement
positive aspects
negative aspects

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Some people like to own the place where they live, but other people like to rent where they live. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate about whether it is better to own or rent the place where people live. While some people believe that owning a home can be beneficial in long term, others including me, think that renting offers more flexibility and less financial commitment.
7.5
band
"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up." To what extent do you agree or disagree
In the contemporary world, it is a controversial argument that the father's role is as important as the mother's in the children’s lives from the initial steps. I agree with this extent so I will discuss its reasons in the essay.
5
band
Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?v
In this modern era, There are numerouse students that tend to be in extra-curricular at their university like social clubs and sports. I personally belive that this approach can have many advantages and disadvantages, in other words, this is two sides of a penny but in my personal perspective, the advantages of this approach outweigh the disadvantages due to reasons will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
7
band
Many parents think that it is a good idea to teach the children about money. Why do you think it is important to teach them about money? What is the best way to teach children about money?
The subject of finance is not included in the current education system at the schools. For this reason, parents believe that children should be given lessons on personal budget management. It is my contention that given the rapidly changing economic conditions of our world, money management skills have become essential, pushing parents to educate their kids about finance management starting from early practices in demo investing accounts which will help them comprehend the concept of money.
6.5
band
Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.
There is an ever increasing use of technology, such as tablets and laptops, in the classroom. It is often argued that this is a positive development, whilst others disagree and think it will lead to adverse ramifications. This essay agrees that an increase in technology is beneficial to students and teachers.

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people like to own the place where they live, but other people like to rent where they live. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up." To what extent do you agree or disagree

Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?v

Many parents think that it is a good idea to teach the children about money. Why do you think it is important to teach them about money? What is the best way to teach children about money?

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.