The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.
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The bar chart provides information about graduate
unemployment
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rates by gender within a two-year
period
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.
Overall
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, even though there is a considerable difference both of them followed an increasing tendency
at the end
Linking Words
of the
period
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. Both countries' graduate
unemployment
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rates had fluctuations. Men's
unemployment
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proportion outraced
women
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's every time the survey was conducted. As far as men are concerned, their
unemployment
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rate was about 10% in January 2008, being higher than
women
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's rate by approximately 3 %.
Then
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it declined to about 7% in April and remained there until July.
Subsequently
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, the portion of men climbed to roughly 16% in October 2008 and followed the opposite tendency and reached 12% in 2009 and continued until April
however
Linking Words
declined slightly in July. The
last
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period
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of the survey showed hitting a high point of about 23%. When it comes to
women
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, the percentage of
unemployment
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was 8% in January 2008, and it went down to 6% in April and remained stable in July.
However
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, the figure observed peaked at 11% in October and declined steadily respectively in January 2009 and April. The
portion
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proportion
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of
women
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rose to 10% and increased 14%
at the end
Linking Words
of the
period
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, period, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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