The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.
The bar chart provides information about graduate
unemployment
rates by gender within a two-year
period
.
Overall
, even though there is a considerable difference both of them followed an increasing tendency
at the end
of the
period
. Both countries' graduate
unemployment
rates had fluctuations. Men's
unemployment
proportion outraced
women
's every time the survey was conducted. As far as men are concerned, their
unemployment
rate was about 10% in January 2008, being higher than
women
's rate by approximately 3 %.
Then
it declined to about 7% in April and remained there until July.
Subsequently
, the portion of men climbed to roughly 16% in October 2008 and followed the opposite tendency and reached 12% in 2009 and continued until April
however
declined slightly in July. The
last
period
of the survey showed hitting a high point of about 23%. When it comes to
women
, the percentage of
unemployment
was 8% in January 2008, and it went down to 6% in April and remained stable in July.
However
, the figure observed peaked at 11% in October and declined steadily respectively in January 2009 and April. The
portion
Correct your spelling
proportion
show examples
of
women
rose to 10% and increased 14%
at the end
of the
period
.
Submitted by mirzayev.subhann on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, period, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: