IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people prefer activities and lifestyles in hot climates while others prefer living in cold climates. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #activities #lifestyles #climates
A few
people
 are in preference
of
Change preposition
apply
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having activities and lifestyle in
a
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apply
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scorching weather
whereas
 others prefer staying in freezing
climate
Fix the agreement mistake
climates
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. In
this
 essay I am going to elaborate more on
this
 statement and at the same time give my thoughts on the same. On one hand, human beings prefer working in hot climates for various reasons.
Firstly
, it is because during
such
 a boiling climate they may easily run their businesses smoothly compared to winter.
For example
, in busy and big cities rainy
season
 may prevent businesses
such
 as hawking from happening and again it may lead to a negative impact on public transport as vehicle owners tend to spike bus
fare
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fares
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 during
this
season
.
Secondly
,
people
 love it when
its
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it's
it is
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 sunny because of
fear
Correct article usage
the fear
show examples
 of floods
incase
Correct your spelling
in case
show examples
 the weather changes. As an
example
Add a comma
example,
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flloods
Correct your spelling
floods
 can carry away houses and properties owned in the case where
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 happen in flat areas.
On the other hand
, some like it when it is
coldy
Correct your spelling
cold
for different reasons as well. First and foremost, it makes agricultural work easier as one can go to cultivate a field at any time of the day and with ease as the soil is not hard at
this
 moment.
In addition
, plants tend to flourish
at
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during
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this
season
 making the agricultural field so beautiful in
it's
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its
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 own nature.
This
 in turn makes food available to consumers and
therefore
 no
people
 die of hunger. Another point is that bus owners become happy as they make more money during
this
 period as
people
 prefer using them to reach their homes regardless of the spike in prices. In conclusion, my personal opinion is that the advantages of toiling in a cool climate outweigh those of doing work in a hot
season
. I would choose
working
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to work
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 in
winter
Correct article usage
the winter
show examples
season
 as it is worth paying rather than in summer.
Submitted by rebecckwamboka96 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction that sets the stage for the discussion, a coherent body that separates and fully develops both viewpoints, and a conclusion that summarises the main points and restates your own opinion. Use clear paragraphing and transitional devices to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
task achievement
Your main points need further development and detailed examples to support the arguments. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion encapsulate your main ideas, and reflect on each side of the argument as well as clearly state your opinion. Use a broader range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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