IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people prefer activities and lifestyles in hot climates while others prefer living in cold climates. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A few
people
Use synonyms
 are in preference
of
Change preposition
apply
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having activities and lifestyle in
a
Remove the article
apply
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scorching weather
whereas
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 others prefer staying in freezing
climate
Fix the agreement mistake
climates
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. In
this
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 essay I am going to elaborate more on
this
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 statement and at the same time give my thoughts on the same. On one hand, human beings prefer working in hot climates for various reasons.
Firstly
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, it is because during
such
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 a boiling climate they may easily run their businesses smoothly compared to winter.
For example
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, in busy and big cities rainy
season
Use synonyms
 may prevent businesses
such
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 as hawking from happening and again it may lead to a negative impact on public transport as vehicle owners tend to spike bus
fare
Fix the agreement mistake
fares
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 during
this
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season
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 love it when
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 sunny because of
fear
Correct article usage
the fear
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 of floods
incase
Correct your spelling
in case
show examples
 the weather changes. As an
example
Add a comma
example,
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flloods
Correct your spelling
floods
 can carry away houses and properties owned in the case where
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 happen in flat areas.
On the other hand
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, some like it when it is
coldy
Correct your spelling
cold
for different reasons as well. First and foremost, it makes agricultural work easier as one can go to cultivate a field at any time of the day and with ease as the soil is not hard at
this
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 moment.
In addition
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, plants tend to flourish
at
Change preposition
during
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this
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season
Use synonyms
 making the agricultural field so beautiful in
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 own nature.
This
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 in turn makes food available to consumers and
therefore
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 no
people
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 die of hunger. Another point is that bus owners become happy as they make more money during
this
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 period as
people
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 prefer using them to reach their homes regardless of the spike in prices. In conclusion, my personal opinion is that the advantages of toiling in a cool climate outweigh those of doing work in a hot
season
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. I would choose
working
Change the verb form
to work
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 in
winter
Correct article usage
the winter
show examples
season
Use synonyms
 as it is worth paying rather than in summer.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction that sets the stage for the discussion, a coherent body that separates and fully develops both viewpoints, and a conclusion that summarises the main points and restates your own opinion. Use clear paragraphing and transitional devices to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
task achievement
Your main points need further development and detailed examples to support the arguments. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion encapsulate your main ideas, and reflect on each side of the argument as well as clearly state your opinion. Use a broader range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your response.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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