IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
Nowadays, many developed
countries
 give financial
aid
 as a helping hand to poor
countries
.
However
, there is ongoing debate about whether developed
countries
 need to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial assistance to poor
countries
 or anything else. Even though financial
aid
 is essential to poor
countries
, I believe other types of help will significantly advance the impoverished country.
First,
giving only financial
aid
 is not the best solution to help poor
countries
 escape from poverty. There is a terrible effect,
such
 as making poor
countries
 independent. They will always depend on developed
countries
 as long as they get money.
Moreover
, the government and society will become lazy, making the nation underdeveloped.
For instance
,
people
 will not think about innovation because they always get money for free, and the country will stay in poverty.
On the other hand
, it will be better to give poor
countries
 some skills to enhance their income. Developed
countries
 can try collaborating with poor
countries
, especially in the economy and education sector.
For example
, developed
countries
 can send
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
people
 to teach
people
 in poor
countries
.
Moreover
,
people
 from poor
countries
 need to be sent to developed
countries
 to get some education so they can have a positive impact when they return to their country. Based on the two reasons above, I agree that impoverished
countries
 need other types of help
instead
 of financial
aid
. Enhancing the skill through collaboration between developed and poor
countries
 can help poor
countries
 to improve their income and development.
This
 way can significantly help poor
countries
 become independent and escape from poverty.
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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is developed logically and thoroughly. Your essay displayed some level of logical structuring but lacked smooth transitions and a variety of cohesive devices to guide the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were present, but could be strengthened. A clear thesis statement in the introduction and a more definitive summarization of the argument in the conclusion would enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to support your main points, yet the support provided is somewhat superficial and in need of more detailed examples and explanations. More specific and varied evidence and illustrations would improve your score.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but the response could be more fully developed. Ensure that all parts of the task are answered and that your ideas are extended and supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, they would benefit from being expressed more comprehensively. Aim to fully explain and elaborate on each point to convey a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay has a scarcity of relevant and specific examples to support the ideas presented. Including a range of detailed examples enhances the argument and demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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