IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #cities #towns #spaces
As we are progressing
towars
Correct your spelling
toward
 development and well-built infrastructure, some people argue that increasing the number of outdoor public
spaces
 are
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 investment, both in urban and rural areas. From my perspective, I totally agree with the argument since open access to public
spaces
lead
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leads
show examples
 to environmentally friendly and healthy exercise for
inhabitant
Fix the agreement mistake
inhabitants
show examples
. In the beginning, building huge public accomodations,
such
 as
park
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parks
show examples
 and
garden
Fix the agreement mistake
gardens
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, can alleviate air
polution
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pollution
 caused by transportation.
In other words
, plantations that
provide
Verb problem
live
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 in the places have
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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absorbing
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to absorb
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 unhealthy gasses; And
also
, produce oxygen that
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
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 over the areas and
diminish
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diminishes
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 the warm weather.
This
 condition
promote
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promotes
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fresh
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a fresh
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 environment which
is supporting
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supports
show examples
 the resilience of the earth from climate change.
As a result
, the developing investment
on
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in
show examples
 that subject has many benefits, not only for people but
also
 the other creatures
such
 as
animal
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animals
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.
In addition
, the life’s quality of residents can
impove
Correct your spelling
improve
 caused
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the green infrastructures.
For instance
,
according to
 data anylises of
Correct article usage
the indonesian
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indonesian
Change the capitalization
Indonesian
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 government, if cities or towns provide plenty of green
spaces
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults would prefer to hang out in
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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 rather than
in isolating
Wrong verb form
isolate
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 alone in their own
room
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rooms
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.
Furthermore
, the children will spend
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
the majority of their time playing in the fresh atmosphere;
moreover
, the older
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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like walking and jogging after
retire
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retiring
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 over there. As a
concequencies
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consequence
consequences
,
human’s
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human
show examples
 health has been improving over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time and empowers
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 generation
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both physically and
mentality
Replace the word
mentally
show examples
. In conclusion,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 investment to improve
human’s
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human
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 life,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
spaces
are still be
Change the verb form
are still
show examples
 in the top of the beneficial builds for many reasons.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the supporting sentences align with that central idea. Avoid going off-topic or including irrelevant details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs, but avoid overusing them to the point where the text feels forced or unnatural.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the accuracy of topic-specific vocabulary and aim to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Fully explore the implications of your arguments by providing detailed examples. Each body paragraph should contain at least one specific example to substantiate the point being made.
Task Achievement
Aim to present and elaborate on clear and comprehensive ideas in each paragraph, relating them directly to the question asked, to ensure a complete response to the task.
Task Achievement
Carefully review your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures which will enrich the quality of your writing and convey ideas more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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