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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in other countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #countries
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Some
people
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 think that
people
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 who have skilled workers
such
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 as doctors and engineers should
work
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 in their
country
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,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 believe that working in another
country
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 should be recommended. In my opinion,
this
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 is an individual's preference and
this
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 essay delves into both sides with my opinion. On the one hand, some skilled professionals,
such
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 as doctors and engineers tend to
work
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 abroad using their professional skills. One of the main reasons why they choose to
work
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 internationally is the rate of income, which is higher than what they gained in their
country
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. Unfortunately, those skilled
people
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 are the main
workforce
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 in countries, especially in the poorer or developing states, and contributing their professional skills in the
country
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 is essential for socio-economic aspects. If those workers go abroad to
work
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, the
country
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's
workforce
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 will decrease, which means arising
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of issues in the
country
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,
such
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 as the economic crisis.
As a result
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 of the
workforce
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 shortage, it is required to hire qualified workers from abroad with high salaries.
For example
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, in Mongolia, there is an issue of skilled
doctors'
Change noun form
doctors
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 shortage,
therefore
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, the government is required to allocate more funds for
this
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workforce
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 rather than the education field.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 have the right to choose wherever they live and
work
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.
People
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 would
work
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 efficiently and successfully when they are happy or satisfied with their living conditions and adequate income.
Therefore
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, the preference of living place and
country
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 should be selective for skilled professionals.
Such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 family members and children are the main reason why
people
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 prefer to
work
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 abroad rather than stay in their
country
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. In my opinion,
however
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, their gained knowledge and
work
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 experience cannot be comparable with anything, without inadequate
inadequate
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
salary or living conditions might be potentially affected to choosing in another
country
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.
To conclude
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, working in their home
country
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 where they graduated from their university is essential for the certain
country
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's socio-economic development,
conversely
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, choosing to
work
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 abroad is
people
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's preference. Individuals have the right to select where they
work
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 and live, which offers sufficient salary and living conditions.
Submitted by zayashdee on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly addresses the task by paraphrasing the prompt and outlining the main points you plan to cover. Then, maintain a logical flow by connecting ideas and paragraphs with appropriate transitions. Additionally, try to fully develop each paragraph with a clear main idea, relevant supporting details, and cohesive devices.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, provide a balanced discussion covering all parts of the prompt. Develop each viewpoint presented with appropriate reasons or examples, and make sure to offer a clear personal stance on the issue. Aim to maintain a balanced and neutral tone throughout and avoid any vagueness in presenting your opinion.
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