Some people think the newly built houses should be the same as the old house style in local areas. Others argue that local authorities should allow people to build houses in their own styles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals believe that modern dwellings should follow the design
with
old architecture, Change preposition
of
while
others
believe that the owners
have the right to choose their preferred exteriors to establish it. However
, despite both sides are
important, in my opinion, Wrong verb form
being
people
need to follow the authorities' law
or disciplines. Fix the agreement mistake
laws
This
essay will delve into both sides, followed by my opinion.
On the one hand, people
have to follow the law
that required
in the local Add a missing verb
is required
areas
, in which they live. If there are various designs of buildings, it will be affected
Wrong verb form
affect
to
the local Change preposition
apply
areas
' appearances negatively, which could be potentially harmful for
Change the preposition
to
others
. For instance
, there are some buildings in countryside
, which are potentially harmful to Add an article
the countryside
the
pedestrians because those buildings were built dangerously close to the main road Correct article usage
apply
because
Correct word choice
apply
owners
tend to build bigger houses
compared to their owned land, therefore
, there are inadequate car parkings
outside of the yards. Correct your spelling
parking
This
is because they did not follow the rule of law
in the local authorities, or they might gave
some subsidies to the government workers. Correct your spelling
have
This
phemonemon
raises Correct your spelling
phenomenon
an issues
of enhancing Correct the article-noun agreement
issues
an issue
the
corruption and Correct article usage
apply
unequality
Correct your spelling
inequality
to
Change preposition
in
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Hence
, citizens need to follow the government rules that offer equality for all residents, and citizens have to respect others
.
On the other hand
, people
have the right to choose their preferred housing exteriors, but these establishments will not be harmful for
Change the preposition
to
others
. This
development could be improve
the creativity of Change the verb form
improve
owners
or builders, which would give satisfaction for
the Change preposition
to
owners
. Additionally
, usually local areas
have more space rather than city
, Add an article
a city
the city
consequently
, people
prefer to establish their own dream houses
in their lands. For example
, in Bulgan province in Mongolia, there are various designed wooden houses
which are beautiful. Eventhough
, Correct your spelling
Even
these
housing Correct word choice
though these
areas
included
in different exteriors of Add a missing verb
are included
houses
which looks
more creative than other provinces Correct subject-verb agreement
look
that
could be inspired Correct pronoun usage
it
for
other Change preposition
by
people
from different areas
. As a result
, in my opinion, people
should build their own houses
with their prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
houses
which are interesting and reveals
individuals' way of living styles.
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveal
To conclude
, while
building their houses
people
need to follow the rule of law
in their locals'
government Change noun form
locals
that
requires Correct pronoun usage
which
to
safety circumstances for Change preposition
apply
others
. However
, people
need to have the right to choose their housing designs with
their own purposes which may inspire Change preposition
for
for
other citizens. Change preposition
apply
Finally
, respecting each other in local areas
is essential, while
building their own dwellings.Submitted by zayashdee on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure but could benefit from clearer paragraphing and more effective use of cohesive devices to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, they need to more effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are present; however, you should aim to develop them more fully by providing a wider variety of supporting ideas and explanations.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and presented both sides of the argument, along with your opinion, which is good. However, your response would benefit from deeper analysis and more fully developed ideas.
task achievement
To score higher in task achievement, your ideas need to be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. This can be achieved by focusing on clarity of expression and ensuring each paragraph conveys a single central idea.
task achievement
Providing relevant examples is crucial to supporting your ideas, but the examples should be more specific and directly related to the central argument. Consider utilizing a variety of detailed examples to enhance your essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
