Many manufactured food and drinks contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, food
items
with high sugar levels are widely sold all across the world. Manufactured sweets are being consumed daily by all age groups. This
has caused many youngsters to be diagnosed with diabetes. Therefore
, I strongly agree that the prices of high sugar
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
items
should go up. In the following paragraph, I will be discussing the reasoning for my opinion.
Diabetes is one of the leading causes for
the decline in health in many, especially in older people, Change preposition
of
however
in recent years, children as small as 9-year-olds are acquiring this
disease. The cause of this
disease is mainly due to
high concentrations of sugar in blood ingested in form
of ready-to-eat foods available at almost every store. Correct article usage
the form
For instance
, without treatment of
Change preposition
for
this
disease, it could develop into obesity. Moreover
, obesity can cause the inability to either perform daily activities or even maintain a normal routine.
Furthermore
, one of the main reasons people decide to consume these items
is because its
neither hard to find Replace the word
it's
it is
or
expensive. Globally, humans with all financial abilities are able to buy chocolates or fizzy drinks without any hesitation about money. So, there will be a massive decrease in sales when these products are more expensive. Low-income individuals will stop buying sweets and Correct word choice
nor
hence
the frequency of diabetic health-problems
will eventually go down.
In conclusion, the easy access to sugary products, whether it is the low cost of it or being able to find it on every shelf of a shop is mainly why our population suffers from severe health problems. Correct your spelling
health problems
However
, if the tag-prices
of these Correct your spelling
tag prices
items
increase, less
beings will buy and consume Change the quantifier
fewer
it
.Correct pronoun usage
them
Submitted by routmanmayee on
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introduction conclusion present
While the essay presents a clear stance on the topic, the introduction should include a concise thesis statement that summarizes the main points that the essay will cover.
logical structure
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supported main points
Support your main points with more detailed examples and data. While you have provided some examples, they could be further bolstered with specific evidence or statistics to make your argument more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
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relevant specific examples
You've used relevant examples to support your points, but to receive a higher score, consider including a wider range of examples and explore them in greater depth.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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