Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on people. Do you agree or disagree?
As the world of personal
computer
evolved from a bulky titan-sized expensive machine to a portable and compactly shaped Fix the agreement mistake
computers
set up
, PCs have been getting more and more common to find inside any family Correct your spelling
set-up
houses
. The growth of the internet Fix the agreement mistake
house
accelerate
Change the verb form
accelerates
this
evolution even further
, as people
are able to connect to people
all around the world, entertain themself and their family, and also
do works
more efficiently in Wrong verb form
work
home
environment. Add an article
a home
the home
However
, there is always a drawback in
every good Change preposition
to
things
, and for the extensive usage of personal Change to a singular noun
thing
computer
, that drawback could be in the shape of increasing reports of eye Fix the agreement mistake
computers
problem
, Fix the agreement mistake
problems
teenagers
mental Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
issue
, a student distracted from pursuing better education chances, and many more. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
Hence
why I agree that using computer
every single day, despite the many benefits that they give, is unfortunately bad and should not be practised by anyone.
The main appeal of using a Fix the agreement mistake
computers
computer
, especially those that are connected to the internet, is the ability to be connected to people
from around the globe and share your experience with them. I am, of course, talking about social media, as it is how most people
allocate a good portion of their time to do
on a Unnecessary verb
apply
computer
. We are social beings, so it is not a surprise that we would want to be able to talk to people
, share our stories, listen to theirs, have fun together, and activities alike.
But, doing so on the internet, especially everyday
, is not the way you are supposed to socialize. Aside from the obvious health risk of eye strain, reduced effectivity of sleep, poor time management, and other real-life impacts, constantly being in front of your monitor screen would Replace the word
every day
decentivize
your actual, physical body from being social. Correct your spelling
incentivize
This
illusion of actually meeting people
has been proved to be one of the most dangerous aspect
of the digital world, as Change to a plural noun
aspects
people
would feel lonely instantly the moment they log off of the platform and would crave for
more unrealistic interactions, which is another way of saying addiction. Being addicted to anything is never a good thing, and by being addicted to social media, you are putting your real life on the line as you go Change preposition
apply
spiraling
deeper Change the spelling
spiralling
to
the neverending cycle of fake stimuli from social media.
In conclusion, using Change preposition
into
computer
Add an article
a computer
everyday
is horrible as it Replace the word
every day
pose
numerous health and mental diseases. If you want to get the most out of Change the verb form
poses
computer
, it is better to be in it for a bit, and Add an article
the computer
a computer
then
go outside and actually socialize with your local community, it is better and healthier for you.Submitted by fadiljayaputra on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a basic structure with an introduction and conclusion, the development of ideas doesn't have a clear progression. The transition between ideas can be improved with better use of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
task achievement
You partially addressed the task by discussing the negative impacts of daily computer use. To improve the completeness of your response, consider exploring both sides of the argument, as the prompt suggests a discussion of negative and positive effects. Additionally, your conclusion could be strengthened with a clear summary of the arguments presented.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.