IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 claim that the success of social
media
Use synonyms
 has influenced personal collaboration and society as a whole.
This
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 writer believes that the upsides of
this
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 suggestion exceed their drawbacks. On the one hand, the invention of networking played a significant role in life,
this
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lead
Replace the word
led
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 to the evolution of social
media
Use synonyms
, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 enjoyed using
this
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media
Use synonyms
 to get information, communicate, etc.
Additionally
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,
this
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 statement
lead
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leads
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 to an increase
the
Change preposition
in the
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 rate of using social networks, most of them
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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because of the convenience
while
Linking Words
 using
this
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 way.
Besides
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, social
media
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let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
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 inhabitants
to
Change the verb form
apply
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save their time, and money
of
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by
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 using transportation. Taking smartphones as an example of
this
Linking Words
, users can
chatting
Change the verb form
chat
be chatting
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 with their relatives or
surfing
Change the verb form
surf
be surfing
show examples
 the
webs
Fix the agreement mistake
web
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 in many applications
at
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apply
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everywhere, every time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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 provide an environment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
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 for marketing, educational content and
also
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 learning opportunities.
Media
Use synonyms
 is an enormous environment that can connect all inhabitants from all over the world,
this
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 idea can be a huge power for marketing products.
For instance
Linking Words
, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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applications which are popular with
people
Use synonyms
, they can organise marketing activities on
this
Linking Words
 to approach more
people
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 with their products.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, these successes
also
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 bring some drawbacks to users.
The security
Correct article usage
Security
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 issues
also
Linking Words
 make
people
Use synonyms
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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 their money or the spread of misinformation and fake news.
Such
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 as inhabitants can get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fake and wrong information about something news or lose their money
while
Linking Words
 shopping, there are lots of scammed websites that can cheat them. Taking everything into consideration,
this
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 suggestion
also
Linking Words
 has both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
benefits and downsides but I believe that those advantages outweigh its drawbacks.

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task response
Ensure that your essay has a clear, overarching thesis statement that guides the reader. Your argument should be clearly stated in the introduction and consistently supported throughout the essay.
task response
Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by explanation and specific examples. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that relates directly to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to help with the flow of the essay. While some cohesion is evident, there is room for more sophisticated use of linking words and phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and that they each perform their functions effectively: introducing the topic and summarizing the argument.
language use
Your essay would benefit from a more varied vocabulary and sophisticated sentence structures. This contributes to the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
language use
Avoid repetition of words and phrases; aim for lexical variety to demonstrate a wide range of language.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • real-time information
  • community building
  • marketing opportunities
  • self-expression
  • educational content
  • privacy concerns
  • data security
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • cyberbullying
  • interpersonal skills
  • distraction
  • productivity
What to do next:
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