IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The rise of social media has affected relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvangtages?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication #disadvangtages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Social
media
Use synonyms
 can affect all types of
relationships
Use synonyms
 in both positive and negative ways. It can help
people
Use synonyms
 stay connected, but it not
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 the feeling of face to face.
This
Linking Words
 situation,
although
Linking Words
 advantageous in certain aspects, is generally a detriment to true human
communication
Use synonyms
 in the long run. On the one hand, social
media
Use synonyms
 can help
people
Use synonyms
 stay connected to
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
loved
Correct pronoun usage
loved ones
show examples
, friends and family, especially when they are far away. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, it will help boost connectivity
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our relationship if
people
Use synonyms
 use it actively and
people
Use synonyms
 can tweak their privacy levels and share more personal information or pictures through individual or group messages.
For instance
Linking Words
, Instagram and Facebook are quick and convenient ways for long-distance loved ones to stay in touch.
While
Linking Words
 it has made
communication
Use synonyms
 more convenient, it has
also
Linking Words
 led to some negative effects.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, overuse of social
media
Use synonyms
 to communicate can lead to
people
Use synonyms
 downplaying the importance of face-to-face interaction on which true human
relationships
Use synonyms
 thrive.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it makes the increase of unrealistic
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 because you do not have any
fact
Fix the agreement mistake
facts
show examples
 about someone
thay
Correct your spelling
they
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have met on social
media
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, many young and reclusive users prefer living in a virtual world on social sites
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 engaging in real-life
relationships
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 may have serious mental effects,
such
Linking Words
 as increased stress, anxiety and loneliness. In conclusion, social
media
Use synonyms
 has both positive and negative effects on
communication
Use synonyms
. It is up to individuals to use social
media
Use synonyms
 in a way that enhances their
communication
Use synonyms
 skills and
relationships
Use synonyms
 with others.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer logical structure that sequentially builds up your argument. Try to link your ideas with connecting words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good practice, but they need to clearly present the topic and your stance on the issue more prominently, and should mirror each other to effectively encapsulate your views.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point you present is adequately supported by evidence or examples. Your argument becomes more persuasive when each claim is followed by specific details that underscore your point.
task achievement
While you have responded to the task, you would benefit from a more explicit statement of your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, but the development of these ideas can be improved. Make sure you fully extend your main points and explore their implications, rather than just stating them.
task achievement
Aim to include a greater range of specific examples to illustrate your points. The use of concrete examples adds depth and authenticity to your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: