Many think that religion should be taught in schools while others think it should be avoided. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#religion #schools

There is an argument that

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

religion

by which to be instructed in

schools

or to be prohibited. Even though teaching

religion

in educational institutions has its own benefits, in my opinion, I believe that it should be avoided. On the one hand, when

students

learn

religion

in their

schools

, it could offer several advantages to

students

. First and foremost, religious lessons provide them with valuable life wisdom like commitment, passion and patience, guiding them towards a desirable way.

Additionally

, based on these lessons, the educational community could become a more harmonious and cohesive society.

Consequently

, sharing the conviction for certain

religion

Fix the agreement mistake

religions

show examples

would enable both the school community and

students

to be more stable and accomplish what they want.

This

is why,

for example

, mission

schools

in South Korea are known for their ambience

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

students

concentrate on studying and the high levels of academic achievement.

On the other hand

, I believe that imparting religious messages in

schools

could bring forth drawbacks. Essentially speaking, individuals have the

rights

Fix the agreement mistake

right

show examples

to choose their

religion

However

, if

schools

teach

religion

students

cannot but

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

attend religious classes and they should take part in religious rituals, which means they

didn’t

Wrong verb form

don’t

show examples

embrace the chance to be exposed to various

religion

Fix the agreement mistake

religions

show examples

and decide their

religion

following their own

wills

Fix the agreement mistake

will

show examples

Secondly

, when

students

encounter religious lessons in a compulsory way in

schools

, they could have grievances against certain

religion

Fix the agreement mistake

religions

show examples

, leading to harmful effects on society in the long term.

Therefore

, teaching

religion

students

in an obligatory way should be avoided. In conclusion,

although

mission

schools

have

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

own merits,

Change preposition

from

show examples

point-of-view

Correct your spelling

point of view

show examples

, I am still convinced that they could yield undesirable outcomes.

Submitted by ssm921 on Tue Jan 16 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Expand on your points by further elaboration or including more comprehensive examples. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and vary paragraph structure.

Task Achievement

Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring you discuss both views and your own opinion comprehensively. Provide more detailed examples to illustrate your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

5.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

religious education
multi-faith society
values and ethics
tolerance
diversity
religious freedom
secular education
curriculum
worldviews
interfaith dialogue
religious literacy
moral guidance
cultural understanding
critical thinking
respect
indoctrination
religious beliefs
secular state
religious extremism
academic subject

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Many think that religion should be taught in schools while others think it should be avoided. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects.Other people think that in today's world,subject like Science and Technology are more important than history.Discuss both views and give your opinion.