If people go to live in another country, they should follow the local customs and traditions. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an unwritten rule applied when
people
migrate to another country, they have to adapt to the culture of the inhabitants in terms of maintaining the balance of living circumstances there and respecting local
lifestyle. Correct article usage
the local
This
essay agrees with this
hereditary habit.
People
initially
are resilient from the
other external distractions and physically try to preserve their built-in characteristics, especially when those have happened since a long time ago. The territorial lifestyle is Correct article usage
apply
such
as cultural pride and dignity that must be conserved in order to keep the social balance between local people
and foreigners. For example
, Egypt has been a massive destination for Indonesians to actualize their education and pedagogy. Fortunately, it seems that likely no social problem occurred there since The Indonesians are
managed to follow the traditional customs and the local Unnecessary verb
apply
wisdoms
. It is plausible Change the wording
wisdom
pearls of wisdom
to conclude
that hardly can the stability of society be reached if there is no ensuing adaptation from the immigrants.
Subsequently
, the empirical reason why this
essay is among the agreement’s proponents is a
compulsive Remove the article
apply
respect
between the entire elements of human beings. The mutualism
Replace the word
mutual
respect
sparks the continuous coexistence between the natives and the newcomers. The positive ramification
would have been conducted if the Fix the agreement mistake
ramifications
people
living in a foreign country had not adapted well. It is
exemplified relevantly when the Wrong verb form
was
western
Capitalize word
Western
people
came to the continent of America a couple
centuries ago. Add the preposition
couple of
Instead
of nurturing the
social Correct article usage
apply
respect
, they selfishly disrupted the life of indigenous people
there and it was more like an occupation and invasion than just a normal transmigration.
To sum up
, following the local customs and traditions is compulsory for all the people
going to live in another country. So do I agree with that in order to reach the stability of social life and respect
the native characteristics.
Change the punctuation
?
Submitted by yaqzhanelkiya01 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a recognizable structure and logical flow, but it could benefit from clearer paragraph divisions and the use of linking words to better connect your ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and use cohesive devices to make transitions between paragraphs smoother.
task achievement
You addressed the topic and provided some relevant examples, but your response could be more fully developed. Expand on your ideas and provide more detailed examples to illustrate your points. Make sure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and that all subsequent sentences in the paragraph support that idea effectively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?