If people go to live in another country, they should follow the local customs and traditions. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an unwritten rule applied when
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

migrate to another country, they have to adapt to the culture of the inhabitants in terms of maintaining the balance of living circumstances there and respecting
local
Correct article usage
the local

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
lifestyle.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay agrees with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

hereditary habit.
People
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

initially
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

are resilient from
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
other external distractions and physically try to preserve their built-in characteristics, especially when those have happened since a long time ago. The territorial lifestyle is
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as cultural pride and dignity that must be conserved in order to keep the social balance between local
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and foreigners.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Egypt has been a massive destination for Indonesians to actualize their education and pedagogy. Fortunately, it seems that likely no social problem occurred there since The Indonesians
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
managed to follow the traditional customs and the local
wisdoms
Change the wording
wisdom
pearls of wisdom

It appears that wisdoms is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

show examples
. It is plausible
to conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

that hardly can the stability of society be reached if there is no ensuing adaptation from the immigrants.
Subsequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the empirical reason why
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay is among the agreement’s proponents is
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun respect in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
compulsive
respect
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

between the entire elements of human beings. The
mutualism
Replace the word
mutual

The word mutualism doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
respect
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

sparks the continuous coexistence between the natives and the newcomers. The positive
ramification
Fix the agreement mistake
ramifications

It seems that ramification may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
would have been conducted if the
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

living in a foreign country had not adapted well. It
is
Wrong verb form
was

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb is. Consider changing it.

show examples
exemplified relevantly when the
western
Capitalize word
Western

The word western should be capitalized in this context.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

came to the continent of America a
couple
Add the preposition
couple of

It appears that you are missing a preposition after a couple. Consider adding a preposition.

show examples
centuries ago.
Instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of nurturing
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
social
respect
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, they selfishly disrupted the life of indigenous
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

there and it was more like an occupation and invasion than just a normal transmigration.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, following the local customs and traditions is compulsory for all the
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

going to live in another country. So do I agree with that in order to reach the stability of social life and
respect
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

the native characteristics
.
Change the punctuation
?

Consider using a question mark to signify that this sentence is a question.

show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay has a recognizable structure and logical flow, but it could benefit from clearer paragraph divisions and the use of linking words to better connect your ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and use cohesive devices to make transitions between paragraphs smoother.
task achievement
You addressed the topic and provided some relevant examples, but your response could be more fully developed. Expand on your ideas and provide more detailed examples to illustrate your points. Make sure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and that all subsequent sentences in the paragraph support that idea effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: