IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
#proportion #population #three #countries
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This
Linking Words
 graph shows the
presentage
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percentage
 of
old
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the old
show examples
 population aged over 64 through a
centery
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century
cemetery
, in the
USA
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, Sweden and Japan.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Japana
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Japan
 will have the highest aged population in the future,among the three
menstion
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mention
mentioned
 countries. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started in 1940 as the lowest country when it come to the number of
senior
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a senior
the senior
show examples
citizen
Change to a plural noun
citizens
show examples
,but from 1960 it
is begin
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is beginning
show examples
 to rise gradually, and it is
predected
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predicted
 that in 2035
there
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their
show examples
 numbers will
sky rocket
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skyrocket
show examples
 and will reach
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak in 2040. In 1940,the
USA
Use synonyms
 was the country with the most older people, and
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 was the least when it
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 to there aged
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
show examples
. Yet, the sequence will change in 2035,
where
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when
show examples
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
olders
Correct your spelling
older
 numbers increase dramatically and
surpas
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surpasses
 both the
USA
Use synonyms
 and Sweden.
while
Linking Words
 the
USA
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 will be the least when it
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 to numbers
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other
counries
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countries
. The
USA
Use synonyms
 face many ups and downs when it
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 to
there
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their
show examples
 older citizen count between 1940 and 2018,
then
Linking Words
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 to rise drastically till 2040.
Submitted by neamaabdo90 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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