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Band 1

Students should focus on learning in the classroom rather than show their status by wearing fashionable clothes. Thebefore, all students have to wear school uniforms. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#students #focus #classroom #show #status #clothes #thebefore #school #uniforms
Many
students
 consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their looks by wearing fashionable clothes
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on their goals in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
As a consequence
, all
students
 have to wear
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 in school. I agree, by wearing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same clothes in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
This
 can make
students
 feel
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
. No more social level in school society, wealthy and poor people are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
.
Students
 only focused on school
, no indeed
Verb problem
and did not
show examples
cares
Correct subject-verb agreement
care
show examples
 about
what's
Unnecessary verb
what
show examples
 they should wear tomorrow to
looks
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 good. If schools want their
students
wearing
Change the verb form
to wear
show examples
 free clothes,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
Correct article usage
the principal
show examples
principal
Fix the agreement mistake
principals
show examples
 have to make
a new rules
Correct the article-noun agreement
new rules
a new rule
show examples
.
Such
 as
, do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 not
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
wearing a
tanktop
Correct your spelling
tank top
show examples
 and crop tops.
Students
 have to accept
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 rules, if they
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 follow the rules they will
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a consequence
Submitted by hai on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is somewhat unclear. Introducing your main points in the introduction and then elaborating on them in separate paragraphs would enhance clarity. Consider using a range of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your response partially addresses the prompt, but it could be more developed. You need to elaborate on your reasons and provide more specific examples to fully support your opinion. Additionally, a clear conclusion is needed to effectively summarise your viewpoint on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic focus
  • fashion trends
  • peer pressure
  • social class disparities
  • disciplinary environment
  • cost-effective
  • school identity
  • sense of belonging
  • individual expression
  • dress codes
  • professional attire
  • body types
  • school spirit
  • creativity suppression
  • equal footing
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