In many countries, it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #alcohol

Alcoholic beverages are banned at the present.

This

essay completely

agree

Change the verb form

agrees

show examples

with

this

initiative because

alcohol

can cause serious health conditions and

it's

Correct your spelling

its

show examples

promotion leads to buying, & consuming more. To commence with, Major health problems are associated with drinking

alcohol

. Consuming excessive

amount

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amounts

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alcohol

can cause carcinoma of

liver

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the liver

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, coronary artery disease, hypertension, diabetes and stroke, it actually disrupts the white matter of our

brain

and has detrimental effects on

brain

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the brain

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like poor judgement,

brain

impairment and

brain

damage.

As a result

, it often leads to criminal

offense

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offenses

show examples

, physical assaults, domestic violence and

accident

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accidents

show examples

. Binge drinking not only decreases

heartrate

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heart rate

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variability but

also

reduces

decision making

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decision-making

show examples

capacity.

For example

, Lithuania

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

introduced

the

Correct article usage

apply

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legislation restricting

alcohol

promotion and it resulted in

significant

Correct article usage

a significant

show examples

declined

Wrong verb form

decline

show examples

alcohol related

Add a hyphen

alcohol-related

show examples

morbidity and mortality.

Furthermore

alcohol

promotion increases the chances of buying and consuming it more. Expensive

alcohol

brands tend to publicise their products and sway their customers unfairly and actually do not

explicit

Change the word

explicitly

show examples

the downsides of it. The main objective of liquor owners is to sell more and they never

entails

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entail

show examples

the high risks of potential diseases.

For instance

, Cognac brand ambassadors often portray

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

show examples

models and actors drinking cognac with an exquisite lady in a lavish setting. In conclusion,

alcohol

is a toxic product as it can cause various

alcohol induced

Add a hyphen

alcohol-induced

show examples

diseases and

alcohol

adverts should be discouraged to avoid

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

adverse effects on public health.

Submitted by asmitakhatri490 on Wed Jan 17 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main point and be connected to the overall argument through clear transitions.

coherence cohesion

While your main points were supported, they could be enhanced by providing more detailed examples and linking them directly back to the question prompt throughout your essay. Aim to explain how each point directly supports your agreement with the ban on alcohol advertisement.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the task, but there is room to develop a more nuanced argument with a mix of general statements and specific examples. To achieve a higher score, expand on your ideas by offering broader insights into the implications of banning alcohol ads and how it aligns with societal benefits.

task achievement

When providing examples, ensure they are specific, relevant, and effectively illustrate your point. Avoid making generalizations without sufficient evidence. Reference studies or report findings to substantiate your arguments and boost your essay's credibility.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

236 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Some people believe that certain old buildings should be preserved more than others. What types of old buildings should be preserved? Do you think the advantages of preserving old buildings outweigh the disadvantages?

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is often said “when in Rome, do as the Romans do”. Do you think people should adapt and accept the culture of the country they visit? Do you think it is possible to learn a culture without learning the language?