Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is argued that diverse
custom
Fix the agreement mistake
customs
show examples
and generations can be brought together by
music
. I strongly agree with
this
idea as
music
is a powerful universal language which
promote
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promotes
show examples
the same
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
among individuals.
Music
is a good way to give
people
a sense of community and unity in the
world
.
For instance
, several years ago,
Aid
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an Aid
show examples
concert
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
held in the UK and the USA to help desperate
polestinian
Correct your spelling
Palestinian
people
.
Moreover
, in
resent
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recent
show examples
decades,
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
generation of musicians
mix
Wrong verb form
mixed
show examples
different types of
music
from all over the
world
and
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
a new kind of
music
which can
derive
Verb problem
draw
show examples
people
's attention and make
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
curious about other types of
music
in the
world
.
For example
, in my
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
Homayun Shajarian who is a leading singer in my country has combined our traditional
music
with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
western metal
music
. After that, The majority of Iranian listeners were interested to know more about metal and rock
music
.
Furthermore
,
music
can act as a bridge
Change preposition
to generation
show examples
generation
Change preposition
to generation
show examples
gaps. These days many TV
program
Change to a plural noun
programs
show examples
are aired for the purpose of
detect
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detecting
show examples
individuals with potential skills in
music
from all over the
world
Such
as
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
ideal and X factor . These programs
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
appeal
among
Change preposition
to
show examples
folks
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
different ages from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
to
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
elderly.
BY
Correct your spelling
By
show examples
way of example, in my family, my siblings and my parents sit together at the weekend to watch American
ideal
Capitalize word
Ideal
show examples
,
discus
Correct your spelling
discuss
show examples
about
Add an article
the participant
a participant
show examples
participant
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participants
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and anticipate the winner.
Thus
,
music
can be a good reason to get a family together and strengthen their family bonds. In conclusion, in my opinion,
music
can counteract
language
Correct article usage
the language
show examples
barrier and link
people
with various
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
emotionally through concerts and groundbreaking
music
as well as
it can bring different ages together through TV programs .
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea. Avoid mixing multiple main ideas in a single paragraph to maintain clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs, but avoid overusing them. This includes linking words, synonyms, and referring words, which can all help the reader follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly state your opinion on the topic, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your opinion. Both should be distinct and evidently present.
task achievement
Your essay should thoroughly address all parts of the task prompt. Each paragraph should contribute to your overall argument and answer the question posed.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas throughout the essay. Use specific examples and explanations to illustrate your points and demonstrate your argument's validity.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, provide specific examples that are directly relevant and detailed. Examples should convincingly support your argument and show a clear connection to the main point of the paragraph.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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