Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is argued that diverse
custom
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customs
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and generations can be brought together by
music
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
idea as
music
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is a powerful universal language which
promote
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promotes
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the same
feeling
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feelings
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among individuals.
Music
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is a good way to give
people
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a sense of community and unity in the
world
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.
For instance
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, several years ago,
Aid
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an Aid
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concert
has been
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was
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held in the UK and the USA to help desperate
polestinian
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Palestinian
people
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.
Moreover
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, in
resent
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recent
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decades,
new
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a new
the new
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generation of musicians
mix
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mixed
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different types of
music
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from all over the
world
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and
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
a new kind of
music
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which can
derive
Verb problem
draw
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people
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's attention and make
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
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curious about other types of
music
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in the
world
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in my
country
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country,
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Homayun Shajarian who is a leading singer in my country has combined our traditional
music
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with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
western metal
music
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. After that, The majority of Iranian listeners were interested to know more about metal and rock
music
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
music
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can act as a bridge
Change preposition
to generation
show examples
generation
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to generation
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gaps. These days many TV
program
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programs
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are aired for the purpose of
detect
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detecting
show examples
individuals with potential skills in
music
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from all over the
world
Use synonyms
Such
Linking Words
as
American
Correct article usage
the American
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ideal and X factor . These programs
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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appeal
among
Change preposition
to
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folks
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
different ages from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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to
an
Correct article usage
the
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elderly.
BY
Correct your spelling
By
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way of example, in my family, my siblings and my parents sit together at the weekend to watch American
ideal
Capitalize word
Ideal
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,
discus
Correct your spelling
discuss
show examples
about
Add an article
the participant
a participant
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participant
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participants
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and anticipate the winner.
Thus
Linking Words
,
music
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can be a good reason to get a family together and strengthen their family bonds. In conclusion, in my opinion,
music
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can counteract
language
Correct article usage
the language
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barrier and link
people
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with various
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
emotionally through concerts and groundbreaking
music
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as well as
Linking Words
it can bring different ages together through TV programs .
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea. Avoid mixing multiple main ideas in a single paragraph to maintain clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs, but avoid overusing them. This includes linking words, synonyms, and referring words, which can all help the reader follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly state your opinion on the topic, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your opinion. Both should be distinct and evidently present.
task achievement
Your essay should thoroughly address all parts of the task prompt. Each paragraph should contribute to your overall argument and answer the question posed.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas throughout the essay. Use specific examples and explanations to illustrate your points and demonstrate your argument's validity.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, provide specific examples that are directly relevant and detailed. Examples should convincingly support your argument and show a clear connection to the main point of the paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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