More and more people are buying a wide range of household goods. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?
An increasing amount of
people
are purchasing a great range of household items. In my opinion, this
is a positive developement
.
The first reason Correct your spelling
development
for
Change preposition
apply
i
Change the capitalization
I
belive
it is a positive trend is because it affects the world's Correct your spelling
believe
economy
in a positive way overall
.
As people
are buying more and more products, the worlds affairs
are developing. The Change to a genitive case
the affairs of the world
the world's affairs
trades
between countries is increasing and many countries are, because of that, able to keep their balance of payment to an optimal level. Without all of those trades, most countries in the world would be in crippeling debt, which would cause many problems to their Fix the agreement mistake
trade
economy
such
as,
high inflation rates, increasing housing prices and Remove the comma
apply
overall
a degradation of the quality of life in the country as the government will not have enough money to potentially renovate roads, hospitals or even schools.
This
could even lead to a financial crash such
as in 2008.
One other reason for my reasoning is that, with those goods, people
will be able to live in a more enjoyable household. They will be able to have a cleaner, more ordonated, better looking
house. Add a hyphen
better-looking
This
will provide the people
joy, they will be motivated to work harder in order to be able to buy more goods to live an even better and healthier lifestyle. This
great motivation that people
will receive will also
be beneficial to the world's economy
as if employees work harder, firms can develop at a much greater rate. This
, in addition
to the increased life quality for the people
is very beneficial to the society.
In summary, Add the comma(s)
people,
i
Change the capitalization
I
belive
that Correct your spelling
believe
this
development is positive because iot
strengten the Correct your spelling
it
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
economy
and give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
a greater
lifestyle and Correct word choice
better
a
motivation.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction and conclusion were present but could be more clearly defined, and the body paragraphs need better organization for logical coherence.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples. The essay has general statements about the economy and lifestyle improvements, but lacks concrete illustrations or data to back up these points, which would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Fully respond to all parts of the task. The response does address the topic, but expanding on both the positive and negative impacts, as the prompt suggests, would provide a more balanced and complete answer.
task achievement
Aim for clear and comprehensive development of ideas. While the essay presents an opinion, it could benefit from more detailed explanations and exploration of the ideas mentioned, ensuring they are thoroughly discussed.
coherence cohesion
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors, as these can detract significantly from the clarity and professionalism of the essay. The phrases 'i believe' and 'organized' were misspelled, and there are punctuation and capitalization issues throughout.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.