More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree?
Many people who
got
sick during their day-to-day life Wrong verb form
get
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
preferred
to use home remedies Wrong verb form
prefer
ansted
of taking prescribed Correct your spelling
instead
medicine
by their general practitioner , this
essay totally Correct subject-verb agreement
disagrees
disagree
with Correct subject-verb agreement
disagrees
this
notion as using herbal medicine
Correct your spelling
sometimes
sometime
is not safe Correct your spelling
sometimes
also
herbal medicine
takes longer to show an action which can be essential for some illness ,
Using traditional medicine
like herbs and remedies can be dangers
Replace the word
dangerous
as
people who are using them without knowing their sources or if they have been tested at a medical lab to ensure they are safe for human use , as some of them could seriously damage Change preposition
for
somebody
organs Change noun form
somebody's
.
Correct your spelling
for
for example
using the detox tablets to clean the internal organs could harm the liver .
on the other hand
, using traditional medicine
could take a longer time for the person`s health to improve which means some simple illnesses could progress quickly to become more serious if not being treated at the time as
a result at become life therein, Capitalize word
As
for instance
, in children with vomiting
bug mothers could just give them a lemon juice at home but they don't know that if it's not treated quickly it can lead to dehydration.
in Add an article
a vomiting
the vomiting
conclusion
using traditional medication to treat illnesses can sometimes time proper gide could go as it is dengourse and takes a long period for the medication to show effectiveness which is essential for some sicknesses.Add a comma
conclusion,
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which is essential for the reader to follow your arguments. Ensure that you have an identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each body paragraph should contain a main idea followed by supporting sentences that are relevant to the topic. Use linking words to ensure a smooth flow of ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Although you have presented an opinion, you need to ensure that it is consistent and well-developed throughout the essay. Respond to the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt, including the extent to which you agree or disagree. Also, expand your ideas to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic with clear and relevant main points.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples is limited, and they do not significantly support the points you are making. For a higher score, ensure that you include clear, relevant, and specific examples to support each of your main points. This will help to illustrate and strengthen your arguments, making your essay more convincing to the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.