IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The internet has dramatically altered ourlives over the past few decades. Although someof these changes have been negative, the overall effect of this technology has been positive. What is your opinion on this?

#internet #ourlives #decades #someof #changes #effect #technology
As
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the advancement of the
Internet
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
life
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been changed dramatically in many ways. There are pros and cons
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the transformation that the
Internet
 has brought,
however
, I think
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of these changes
outshadow
Correct your spelling
outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
This
 essay will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 my opinion with relevant examples. First of all, the
Internet
 has made our lives much more convenient. We can do almost everything
that is
 needed in everyday
life
such
 as online shopping, banking, and reservation through the
Internet
.
For example
, during
pandemic
Add an article
a pandemic
the pandemic
show examples
, people could bear with the quarantine period seeing a doctor, and making an order for
grocery
Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
show examples
 via the
Internet
.
Therefore
, it can be said that the
Internet
 has helped increase
overall
 efficiencies in our society.
Secondly
, the development of the
Internet
 caused the improvement of other technological areas.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Internet
 technology affected other related
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
such
 as computer science, smart
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
, and data analytics, which contributes to making a better human
life
.
For instance
, AI and data science
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been rapidly developed being influenced by the
Internet
.
Although
 few people are concerned about the drawbacks of these technologies when they are misused, mankind has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
benefited from them both in
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and private sectors. The advancement of the
Internet
 has increased the quality of human
life
 by allowing us to process things to do online
as well as
 by influencing the development related other technologies. I strongly believe that if we use
this
 technology in an appropriate way, everyone all around the world will benefit much more.
Submitted by ywb516 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the question but fails to develop a clear position throughout. The examples provided are too general. You should aim to present specific examples that directly support your argument and clearly state your opinion on the impact of the internet in both the introduction and conclusion for a stronger task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical progression. Ideas should be organized in a way that they naturally follow from one to the next. Using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing can enhance clarity and cohesion. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that the subsequent sentences elaborate on that topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!