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Writing Samples /
Band 3

We cannot help everyone in  the World that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries so what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 in other countries in the World
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our help but we have to
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
 about
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
show examples
 of our
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
people
 i strongly agree that we should
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
 about our society.
At
Change preposition
First
show examples
first,
there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
being agree
Change the verb form
agreeing
show examples
 with
this
 subject,
for example
, our
country
 has
larg
Correct your spelling
large
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
show examples
 like gas, oil,
natural
Correct word choice
and natural
show examples
 and national
sorce
Correct your spelling
sources
 which was should
consumed
Change the verb form
be consumed
consume
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 our own
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
people
 because they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have enough
money
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 primary facilities for eating,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 rice, meat and even various of vegetables like cabbage, tomato and potato
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
that is
natural
Add an article
the natural
a natural
show examples
 right of My own
country
 which authorities of
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 must spend
money
 for them.
At
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Second,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
also
 have
money
 instance for
being disagree
Change the verb form
disagreeing
show examples
 with
this
 matter it means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when are
losed
Correct your spelling
lost
show examples
 investment of
country
 it is caused that industry and Introduction
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 work and many of Young
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 become too much unemployment
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
result
Add an article
the result
a result
show examples
 of we viewed to escape of Young to other countries and even
also
 is become steel a lot in the
country
 and unfortunately stress and concern about life are
bocome
Correct your spelling
become
 very much. In
totally
Replace the word
total
show examples
 many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 in
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
country
 else
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to support
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
country
 which i strongly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 investment
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
country
 only are consumed for
own
Verb problem
apply
show examples
our
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
people
 because individuals of
this
country
 are very poor in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms of
money
 condition.
Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay requires a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each section serves a distinct purpose: the introduction sets the topic and your position, the body supports your argument with explanations and examples, and the conclusion summarizes the discussion. Ensure that your essay is structured with these components.
Coherence and Cohesion
To better present your ideas, it is important to articulate them clearly and logically. Your writing should guide the reader through your reasoning and examples without confusion. Use linking words and phrases to join sentences and paragraphs, and make sure there is a clear progression of ideas from beginning to end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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