Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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In modern society, it is common to see

children

Use synonyms

using telephones all day long. For better or worse,

this

Linking Words

trend has already begun to affect them in certain aspects of life. The causes of

this

Linking Words

trend are manifold. One primary reason is

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the absence of parental company, leading

children

Use synonyms

to use

smartphones

Use synonyms

excessively. Because of household livelihoods and career advancements, parents are increasingly occupied with heavy workloads.

This

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leaves

children

Use synonyms

with video games, streaming platforms, and social

media

Use synonyms

as their companions. In some cases, parents may provide digital devices as rewards, out of a desire to keep their

children

Use synonyms

entertained or to

aviod

Correct your spelling

avoid

conflicts.

As a result

Linking Words

chilren

Correct your spelling

children

who lack self-control and independence awareness are easily

addictive

Correct word choice

addicted

show examples

to the

fiction

Replace the word

fictional

show examples

world

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

created by

media

Use synonyms

. Another reason might be that today’s younger generation

grow

Wrong verb form

has grown

show examples

up with digital technology. The popularity of social

media

Use synonyms

platforms

such

Linking Words

as Instagram, Tik-Tok, Snapchat,

KakoTalk

Correct word choice

and KakoTalk

show examples

, has contributed to

this

Linking Words

trend.

Smartphones

Use synonyms

are utilized to socialize with friends, get access to

latest

Add an article

the latest

show examples

news, or

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

immediate desires. In my opinion, the excessive use of

smartphones

Use synonyms

is detrimental to

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

holistic development. For one thing,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

excessive exposure to digital devices would pose a threat to physical health. The prolonged screen time, with a secondary lifestyle, not only

damage

Correct subject-verb agreement

damages

show examples

their

eye sight

Correct your spelling

eyesight

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

show examples

the risk of chronic diseases like obesity and diabetes. For another,

children

Use synonyms

are more likely to pay little attention to what they do. When kid

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

tend to be drawn by digital

media

Use synonyms

without limitation, they will be unable to concentrate on their homework even

usual

Correct pronoun usage

their usual

show examples

life. In

long

Correct article usage

the long

show examples

term, their unhealthy lifestyle will hinder academic growth and personal relationships. To put it in a

nustshell

Correct your spelling

nutshell

, parental negligence and

digital

Correct article usage

the digital

show examples

environment are the main reasons.

While

Linking Words

the use of

smartphones

Use synonyms

Add a missing verb

is conductive

show examples

conductive

Correct your spelling

conducive

show examples

to personal digital literacy and preparing them to be

Change the article

apply

show examples

technologically savvy, I believe that it takes a heavy toll on

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

overall

Linking Words

development both physical and mental.

Submitted by kikiffan77 on Wed Jan 17 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has an acceptable logical structure, but some sentences are not well-connected. Improve by making sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear connections between them.

coherence cohesion

An introduction and conclusion are present but they are not fully developed. Your introduction should more clearly present the topic and your stance on it, while your conclusion should effectively summarize and reinforce your main points and opinion.

coherence cohesion

You have supported your main points with some reasons, yet the ideas could be developed further. Include more detailed examples to back up your points, and make sure these examples are specific and relevant to the question.

task achievement

You addressed the task and presented a clear position on the topic. However, the response is not entirely complete as your ideas can be developed further for a more nuanced argument. Additional examples and a more in-depth analysis would strengthen your essay.

task achievement

While you have presented ideas related to the topic, they are not always expressed in a clear and comprehensive manner. Improve the clarity of your argument by thoroughly explaining and expanding upon the ideas introduced.

task achievement

Your essay includes general examples but lacks the incorporation of specific, detailed evidence. Use personal experiences or hypothetical situations to illustrate your points better and make your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

In the future it may be necessary for us to live on other planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now researching planets that could be a possible home, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As the result of tourisms and the incresing number of people traveling, there's an growing demand for more flights. What problems does it have on the enviroment? What measures could be taken to solve the problem?

If old people are no longer physically, mentally or financially able to look after themselves, younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting them.