Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In modern society, it is common to see
children
using telephones all day long. For better or worse, this
trend has already begun to affect them in certain aspects of life.
The causes of this
trend are manifold. One primary reason is that
the absence of parental company, leading Correct word choice
apply
children
to use smartphones
excessively. Because of household livelihoods and career advancements, parents are increasingly occupied with heavy workloads. This
leaves children
with video games, streaming platforms, and social media
as their companions. In some cases, parents may provide digital devices as rewards, out of a desire to keep their children
entertained or to aviod
conflicts. Correct your spelling
avoid
As a result
, chilren
who lack self-control and independence awareness are easily Correct your spelling
children
addictive
to the Correct word choice
addicted
fiction
world Replace the word
fictional
that
created by Correct pronoun usage
apply
media
. Another reason might be that today’s younger generation grow
up with digital technology. The popularity of social Wrong verb form
has grown
media
platforms such
as Instagram, Tik-Tok, Snapchat, KakoTalk
, has contributed to Correct word choice
and KakoTalk
this
trend. Smartphones
are utilized to socialize with friends, get access to latest
news, or Add an article
the latest
fulfill
immediate desires.
In my opinion, the excessive use of Change the spelling
fulfil
smartphones
is detrimental to children
holistic development. For one thing, Change noun form
children's
the
excessive exposure to digital devices would pose a threat to physical health. The prolonged screen time, with a secondary lifestyle, not only Correct article usage
apply
damage
their Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
increase
the risk of chronic diseases like obesity and diabetes. For another, Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
children
are more likely to pay little attention to what they do. When kid are
tend to be drawn by digital Unnecessary verb
apply
media
without limitation, they will be unable to concentrate on their homework even usual
life. In Correct pronoun usage
their usual
long
term, their unhealthy lifestyle will hinder academic growth and personal relationships.
To put it in a Correct article usage
the long
nustshell
, parental negligence and Correct your spelling
nutshell
digital
environment are the main reasons. Correct article usage
the digital
While
the use of smartphones
Add a missing verb
is conductive
conductive
to personal digital literacy and preparing them to be Correct your spelling
conducive
a
technologically savvy, I believe that it takes a heavy toll on Change the article
apply
children
Change noun form
children's
overall
development both physical and mental.Submitted by kikiffan77 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has an acceptable logical structure, but some sentences are not well-connected. Improve by making sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear connections between them.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but they are not fully developed. Your introduction should more clearly present the topic and your stance on it, while your conclusion should effectively summarize and reinforce your main points and opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points with some reasons, yet the ideas could be developed further. Include more detailed examples to back up your points, and make sure these examples are specific and relevant to the question.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented a clear position on the topic. However, the response is not entirely complete as your ideas can be developed further for a more nuanced argument. Additional examples and a more in-depth analysis would strengthen your essay.
task achievement
While you have presented ideas related to the topic, they are not always expressed in a clear and comprehensive manner. Improve the clarity of your argument by thoroughly explaining and expanding upon the ideas introduced.
task achievement
Your essay includes general examples but lacks the incorporation of specific, detailed evidence. Use personal experiences or hypothetical situations to illustrate your points better and make your essay more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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