IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the map represet school map in 1985 and now. describe it

the map represet school map in 1985 and now. describe it
The maps given compare
1985
Correct article usage
the 1985
show examples
 school map layout with the recent layout. There are several obvious changes that can be seen from a general overview which will be described in the paragraphs below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is a huge upward trend
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 population where the school now shows approximately twofold of
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
, which is 2,300 compared with the old one which was only 1,500 people. More than that, there is
also
Linking Words
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 difference where the road, car park, and field are now round where they used to have edges in the past. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 some development where the
classooms
Correct your spelling
classrooms
 are recently 3 blocks with 5 storeys in one of the buildings. Despite various changes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 most of the facilities, the office
that is
Linking Words
 located in the eastern area still
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
 the same.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are some obvious facilities in the current infrastructure. Starting with the old library
that is
Linking Words
 already demolished and getting replaced by a computer room
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inside of the resource centre.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the southern location
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
now not only has a field
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 a pool and fitness centre that are already built and can be used now.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, that is".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: