IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Most of world's problems are caused by over population. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#world #population
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, the growth of
population
 has been increasing which creating massive problems in the world . I
am totally agree
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totally agree
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 with the statement that because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
population
 growth unemployment
also
 increased and
also
showing
Wrong verb form
showed
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drastic
Add an article
the drastic
a drastic
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 effect on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 on the side . The paragraph given below will explain my opinions . Primarly, the growth of the
population
 has been increasing and
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
also
 increasing competition to get
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in each sector .
For instance
 , immigrants coming to Canada are facing
shortage
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a shortage
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 jobs and moving to
countryside
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the countryside
show examples
 in order to work
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
survival
Replace the word
survive
show examples
.
Additionally
,
due to
over
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
population
 people
also
 find it hard to look for
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 at affordable
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
Therefore
 ,
over
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
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population
create
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creates
show examples
 massive change in the job sector and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 getting hard to survive day by day.
Secondly
 ,
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 pollution has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
due to
Correct article usage
the realease
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realease
Correct your spelling
release
 of harmful gases from vehicles which
leds
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led
 to
depletion
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the depletion
show examples
 of
ozone
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the ozone
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 layer .
For example
 , in the
past
Add a comma
past,
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 only one person
work
Wrong verb form
worked
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 and
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 one vehicle for
whole
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the whole
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 family but
nowdays
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nowadays
show examples
 all family member has their own car which
increase
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increases
show examples
 harmful amount of harmful gases in the air .
Additionally
 , the large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of automobiles in the city
also
cause
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causes
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
noise pollution too . In conclusion, there is
undeniable
Add an article
an undeniable
the undeniable
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 fact that
amoun
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
population
 increases with time and
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 faces environmental and unemployment issues with it . It is highly recommended that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
make policies for solving
this
 issue and
implemented
Wrong verb form
implement
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction with a thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence.
logical structure
Organize your ideas logically, with each paragraph following cohesively from the previous one. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas together more effectively.
supported main points
Provide clear examples to support each point you make, ensuring that they are relevant to the topic and illustrate your argument well.
complete response
Ensure that you address the prompt fully, staying on topic. Develop each of your main points fully with explanations and examples to show how they relate to the overall argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clear and comprehensive articulation of ideas. Make sure each idea is thoroughly explained and well integrated into your overall argument.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. While hypothetical situations can be useful, real-world examples tend to be more impactful and persuasive.

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