Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, different ages play educational system.
computer
games
in variety
Correct article usage
a variety
countries
as it is Change preposition
of countries
well
popular now. Rephrase
very
Parents
believe that this
is a lack of educational value and not useful for kids
. I strongly believe that games
such
as online or others affect kid’s
educational Change noun form
kids’
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
,
because Remove the comma
apply
kids
not
get enough Add a missing verb
do not
educated
Replace the word
education
by
Change preposition
from
parents
and indeed harmful for them as they live Correct pronoun usage
their parents
in
artificial life without real Correct your spelling
an
feeling
.
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
Kids
who not
get enough responsibilities do not know their duties which Add a missing verb
do not
is come
from Wrong verb form
comes
lack
ofCorrect article usage
a lack
Correct article usage
an
Kids
spend their
most time playing Correct pronoun usage
apply
games
as it is popular now. This
cause
their homework and Change the verb form
causes
educatinal
Correct your spelling
educational
plan
from school. There is a Fix the agreement mistake
plans
heaps
of Change the noun form
heap
example
related to Fix the agreement mistake
examples
educational
whether by Replace the word
education
parents
or school. Especially when children become teenager
, they start Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
play
Wrong verb form
playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
due to
low education. Once I spoke with my friend’s kid, he
told me that he felt in Correct word choice
and he
comfort
zone when he Correct pronoun usage
his comfort
plays
Wrong verb form
played
games
.
Playing sort of games
on their laptop affect
children’s Change the verb form
affects
life
directly in Fix the agreement mistake
lives
harmful
way as Add an article
a harmful
the harmful
keep
them away from real Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
feeling
. When Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
improve
, Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
parents
Add a missing verb
are concern
concern
about their Replace the word
concerned
kids
and have to take an
action to correct them to use Correct article usage
apply
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
useful
. Yet, sometimes all Correct word choice
apply
Correct article usage
the effort
effort
by Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
parents
not
enough to prevent using Add a missing verb
are not
computer
in a good way. Clearly, Fix the agreement mistake
computers
kids
become family with computer
soon. Once Fix the agreement mistake
computers
kids
feel computer
games
to close themselves
, they find themselves in the most important situation which is they can not even realise that.
Playing Correct pronoun usage
them
games
on computer
is a worldwide action for all ages and Add an article
the computer
a computer
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
countries
. Change preposition
of countries
Parents
think this
has a bit low educational thing and it will affect their kids
badly soon. Government
need to give a speech regularly to Correct article usage
The government
parents
to make them more knowing
the dangerous situation for their children. Verb problem
aware of
In addition
, schools should take responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
in
that matter which is in some Change preposition
for
case
closer to Fix the agreement mistake
cases
kids
more
than their Correct quantifier usage
apply
family
.Fix the agreement mistake
families
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay requires a clearer introduction, with a more defined thesis statement that clearly presents your stance on the topic. The conclusion should also summarize the main points made throughout the essay.
logical structure
Work on creating a more logical flow to your essay. This can be achieved by organizing your ideas more effectively and using cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples and evidence. This will help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
complete response
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. It seems like your essay could expand on the educational aspect of computer games and provide a more balanced view, considering both negative and positive impacts on children.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas further. Some of your sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors or unclear phrasing. Clearer and more developed ideas will help the examiner understand your points better.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant examples that are detailed and specific to support your arguments. The examples provided are quite general and do not effectively illustrate your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
