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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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These two pie charts illustrate two groups of
tutees
Change noun form
tutees'
tutee's
show examples
 health situation and specific details about their nutrition,
while
Linking Words
, on the
table
Add a comma
table,
show examples
 some issues can be noted
such
Linking Words
 as body weight and stability during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school classes. At one glance, it could be detected that in
group
Use synonyms
 A, healthy foods
such
Linking Words
 as fish and vegetables were consumed more than
Use synonyms
group
Change preposition
in group
show examples
B
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 junk foods fraction has been showing more rate in
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 than
group
Use synonyms
 A. Other consuming items did not differ much or
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a minimally higher fraction.
Also
Linking Words
, the table chart indicates obesity, illness and low-rate attention
was resulting
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
 in
association
Correct article usage
the association
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 diet of
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. The research revealed that the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of youth with overweight in
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 double
Correct pronoun usage
that as
show examples
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 students of
group
Use synonyms
 A. What is more,
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
B
Use synonyms
 students had more
absence
Fix the agreement mistake
absences
show examples
 in classes
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sickness.
Overall
Linking Words
, being nutritious by
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 percentage of healthy food in
group
Use synonyms
 A than
Use synonyms
group
Change preposition
in group
show examples
B
Use synonyms
, had been guaranteed
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 health statement
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words group, b with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • percentage
  • consumption
  • nutritional intake
  • exercise habits
  • Body Mass Index (BMI)
  • health-related issues
  • average
  • comparison
  • general well-being
  • dietary habits
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