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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Celebrities play an important social role in the community. What are the advantages and disadvantages of being a celebrity?

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It certainly can not be denied that celebrities play an important role in the community is becoming a serious matter of concern.
Therefore
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, some people feel that they are not socialized with the population.
This
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 has many advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, If we look at the advantages, they are both obvious and evident.
To begin
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 with, in the economic part, they play a crucial role after paying the higher tax as per their income.
According to
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 a recent article in "The Tribune", a leading national newspaper in India, studies have shown the nation's economic data.
Moreover
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, another benefit is that most of the people follow them and are inspired by their work, story and
as well as
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 their reputation.
On the other hand
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, if we consider the disadvantages, they can be both predictable and unpredictable.
First,
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some faces who are famous are trying to become a famous person with the help of advertisements but they do not care about socialization. A good example to consider is Urfi Zavad, she is active on social media because of her nonsense activities and dressing senses. In conclusion, the advantages of a famous person are far higher than the disadvantages.
Therefore
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, they can become a pillar of society.

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task achievement
The essay doesn't adequately address both the advantages and disadvantages of being a celebrity due to a lack of development in ideas. Please make sure to balance the discussion by giving equal weight to both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction could provide a clearer thesis statement, and the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing the essay's main points and the writer's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure by linking ideas between sentences and paragraphs more clearly, using a wider range of cohesive devices (transition words and phrases).
task achievement
Elaborate on the points raised with more supported arguments and relevant, detailed examples to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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