The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Since online
Correct word choice
Online
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
is
becoming more and more popular because of Correct subject-verb agreement
are
the
technological development. People can easily deal with a lot of personal business on Correct article usage
apply
website
or Fix the agreement mistake
websites
app
, Fix the agreement mistake
apps
on the other
hand
they give their own personal Add a comma
hand,
information
to internet
companies
and organizations
for exchanging
. In my opinion, there are disadvantages for Replace the word
exchange
internet
companies
and organizations
gather
Fix the infinitive
to gather
information
of
many individuals and I will discuss in the essay.
Change preposition
about
Firstly
, although
it is convenient for people to skip the step typing
their personal Change preposition
of typing
information
when they use the same website, it is dangerous if internet
companies
or organizations
don’t pay too much attention internet
security. Change preposition
to internet
Hence
, the personal information
would be easily reached by hack due to
the weak internet
security. For example
, there are a lot of fraud happened
because Wrong verb form
happens
of
Change preposition
apply
the
shopping Correct article usage
apply
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
exposed
the Wrong verb form
expose
information
that buyer
Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
gave
. The liar would contact buyers and describe their Wrong verb form
give
information
to gain their trust and lead them to transfer money.
Secondly
, another important issue is that gathering personal information
can illustrate one’s preferences. When those large internet
companies
and organizations
have the competence to know people’s preferences, it might be dangerous that they start to influence people’s perspective
. Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
For instance
, the Cambridge Analytic
Company Fix the agreement mistake
Analytics
are
sued by they use the Wrong verb form
was
information
to illustrate different group
of electors and give the Fix the agreement mistake
groups
advertisement
they Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
interested
in to influence their willingness Add a missing verb
were interested
about
Change preposition
apply
what
to vote.
In conclusion, I believe that Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
large Correct article usage
apply
internet
company
and Fix the agreement mistake
companies
organizations
gather
much personal Correct pronoun usage
that gather
information
is
danger if they don’t emphasize Verb problem
are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
internet
security and set the principle about the
usage.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
While you have included an introduction and conclusion and provided examples to support your points, there is room for improvement in structuring your essay more logically. Consider using clear paragraph breaks and topic sentences to signal new ideas. Additionally, the introduction could be more engaging by directly addressing the question and outlining the essay's structure.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing perceived disadvantages of companies holding personal information; however, the task also asks you to consider the advantages. To fully meet the task requirements, you must discuss both sides of the issue and reach a clear conclusion that reflects this analysis.