The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Since online
Correct word choice
Online
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
is
becoming more and more popular because of Correct subject-verb agreement
are
the
technological development. People can easily deal with a lot of personal business on Correct article usage
apply
website
or Fix the agreement mistake
websites
app
, Fix the agreement mistake
apps
on the other
Linking Words
hand
they give their own personal Add a comma
hand,
information
to Use synonyms
internet
Use synonyms
companies
and Use synonyms
organizations
for Use synonyms
exchanging
. In my opinion, there are disadvantages for Replace the word
exchange
internet
Use synonyms
companies
and Use synonyms
organizations
Use synonyms
gather
Fix the infinitive
to gather
information
Use synonyms
of
many individuals and I will discuss in the essay.
Change preposition
about
Firstly
, Linking Words
although
it is convenient for people to skip the step Linking Words
typing
their personal Change preposition
of typing
information
when they use the same website, it is dangerous if Use synonyms
internet
Use synonyms
companies
or Use synonyms
organizations
don’t pay too much attention Use synonyms
Use synonyms
internet
security. Change preposition
to internet
Hence
, the personal Linking Words
information
would be easily reached by hack Use synonyms
due to
the weak Linking Words
internet
security. Use synonyms
For example
, there are a lot of fraud Linking Words
happened
because Wrong verb form
happens
of
Change preposition
apply
the
shopping Correct article usage
apply
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
exposed
the Wrong verb form
expose
information
that Use synonyms
buyer
Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
gave
. The liar would contact buyers and describe their Wrong verb form
give
information
to gain their trust and lead them to transfer money.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, another important issue is that gathering personal Linking Words
information
can illustrate one’s preferences. When those large Use synonyms
internet
Use synonyms
companies
and Use synonyms
organizations
have the competence to know people’s preferences, it might be dangerous that they start to influence people’s Use synonyms
perspective
. Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
For instance
, the Cambridge Linking Words
Analytic
Company Fix the agreement mistake
Analytics
are
sued by they use the Wrong verb form
was
information
to illustrate different Use synonyms
group
of electors and give the Fix the agreement mistake
groups
advertisement
they Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
interested
in to influence their willingness Add a missing verb
were interested
about
Change preposition
apply
what
to vote.
In conclusion, I believe that Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
large Correct article usage
apply
internet
Use synonyms
company
and Fix the agreement mistake
companies
organizations
Use synonyms
gather
much personal Correct pronoun usage
that gather
information
Use synonyms
is
danger if they don’t emphasize Verb problem
are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
internet
security and set the principle about Use synonyms
the
usage.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
While you have included an introduction and conclusion and provided examples to support your points, there is room for improvement in structuring your essay more logically. Consider using clear paragraph breaks and topic sentences to signal new ideas. Additionally, the introduction could be more engaging by directly addressing the question and outlining the essay's structure.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing perceived disadvantages of companies holding personal information; however, the task also asks you to consider the advantages. To fully meet the task requirements, you must discuss both sides of the issue and reach a clear conclusion that reflects this analysis.