The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages?
It has been a growing argument
that
whether or not large Change preposition
about
internet
companies
or organisations should store personal information
. While
there are certain benefits, the disadvantages definitely exceed the advantages. I will present my arguments in this
essay.
In order to use the services provided by large internet
companies
, users often need to provide personal information
such
as name, IP address, and age. Large internet
companies
, such
as Google or Facebook, are of course highly trusted for their technology and facilities, allowing them to store and secure users’ personal information
. Those companies
spend millions of dollars every year in advancing their equipments
and facilities, compared to regular people could just spend thousands of dollars on their Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
smart phone
or Correct your spelling
smartphones
labtop
.
Correct your spelling
laptops
However
, with complete access to those personal information
, those internet
companies
or organisations also
profit dramatically by selling those personal information
. It has become a common practice that advertising companies
buy personal information based
profiles or tags from large Add a hyphen
information-based
internet
companies
in order to create a more successful advertisment compaign
. Correct your spelling
advertising campaign
For example
, Google creates personal infromation based
profiles and tags and Correct your spelling
information-based
sell
them to Correct subject-verb agreement
sells
advertiseoment
or brand Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
companies
. While
those tags contains
personal Change the verb form
contain
information
, it helps advertising companies
to tract
down the more vulnerable consumers and push the advertisement or Correct your spelling
track
compaign
directly to them.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
campaign
while
large internet
companies
or organisations spend enormous amount
of money on improving their equipment and facilities, they Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
also
earn billions of dollars every year by selling those
personal Correct determiner usage
apply
information
to advertising or brands
Change the noun form
brand
companies
, which allows those advertising companies
to sell their products more effectively. The negative effect is definitely greater and deserve
Change the verb form
deserves
further
public discussion .Submitted by joannechao on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction, body and conclusion. You provide these, but the sentences within paragraphs should transition smoother.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear explanations or examples. Try to expand upon your points with a variety of examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Finish with a conclusion that summarizes your essay well and restates your central argument in a strong manner. While you do have a conclusion, make it more impactful by summarizing the key points.
task achievement
Thoroughly address the task and make sure to present a balanced discussion. You need to explore both the advantages and disadvantages in more depth and provide a more rounded argument.
task achievement
Make your ideas clearer and more precise. While you do bring up interesting points, you need to explain your ideas more comprehensively. Breaking down concepts and explaining reasoning behind statements will help.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate arguments. You have one example about Google but be careful with accuracy and try to use a range of examples to support your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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