IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for companies and organizations.

#people #work #companies #organizations
In recent decades, the majority of people prefer to run their own
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
, not work for companies.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 decision and
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of
self-employed
Add a missing verb
being self-employed
show examples
. On the
one
 hand, being reluctant to work for others has some rational reasons.
For example
, despite the fact that having a 9 to 5 office
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 offers a fixed monthly salary and some perks, it does not have flexible hours and employees cannot have
work-life
Add an article
a work-life
show examples
 balance as they are trapped in a flexible timetable.
Moreover
, there might not be
a quick promotion prospects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a quick promotion prospect
quick promotion prospects
show examples
 and
stuff
Correct your spelling
staff
show examples
 have to circle around themselves and do some monotonous tasks.
Thus
, some of them may think that it isn't worth wasting a lot of precious time even if the job provides them with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
reasonable job security.
On the other hand
, despite several advantages that being self-employed has, it might have a few detrimental implications.
One
 of the main drawbacks is that running a business has a risk of failure and bankruptcy. By way of example,
one
 of my friends went bankrupt and
loss
Replace the word
lost
show examples
 a great deal of money when he could not meet the
depts
Correct your spelling
debts
show examples
 of a number of big companies.
Consequently
, he ended up
depression
Change preposition
with depression
show examples
 and
nervous
Correct article usage
a nervous
show examples
 breakdown.
Also
, sometimes failures might be the result of the lack of trying to use some methods to attract a target market or finding a way to
sets
Wrong verb form
set
show examples
 your business apart from others. Another downside of being your own
bosses
Fix the agreement mistake
boss
show examples
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 you might have to bear a heavy
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
show examples
and be occupied and are not able to allocate time for your family and friends. In conclusion, both
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 employed by an organization or a company
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 employed by yourself have some adverse influences and it depends on individuals' preferences to have the capacity
of tolerating
Change preposition
to tolerate
show examples
 which
one
.
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure your essay has a clear introductory sentence for each paragraph that outlines the main point. This will help guide the reader and make the progression of ideas smoother.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. The introduction should clearly state your main points, while the conclusion should effectively summarize the essay without introducing new information.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples or evidence. Rather than general statements, use concrete examples or cite relevant data to back up your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and impactful.
Task Achievement
Ensure you address the task completely by fully discussing both sides of the issue and by providing a relevant conclusion that resonates with the discussion in the body paragraphs. Partially incomplete responses can affect your score.
Task Achievement
Strive to present clear and comprehensive ideas by developing each point thoroughly. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, and expand on it with detailed explanations and examples.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. These examples should be directly linked to the points you're making and should not be generic. Personal examples can be used but ensure they are relatable and reinforce your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!