IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years. What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of such flights? Do you think flights should be taxed more? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#world #flights #leisure #business #purposes #years
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There has been a significant rise in the number of trips by plane for entertainment, business and trading aims all over the world
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 recent years.
While
 rising
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
flights
 may bring about some drawbacks, I would argue they are eclipsed by the benefits. On the one hand,
although
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
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 technology is more and more
advance
Wrong verb form
advanced
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,
to run
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running
show examples
Correct article usage
an airplane
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airplane
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aeroplane
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 still has to use fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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.
Therefore
, the dramatic increase in the frequency of these
flights
 will lead to serious results. Following that, we must exploit and use more fossil
fuel
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fuels
show examples
.
That is
 one of the reasons become
the
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apply
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global warming and cause extreme
weathear
Correct your spelling
weather
 phenomena.
Besides
, using a lot of fossil
fuel
also
 has a contribution to go up the price of fossil
fuel
, having a detrimental impact on the poor who
uses
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use
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 gasoline and the same products to work and move on.
On the other hand
, apart from the aforementioned disadvantages,
such
flights
 play a fundamental role in the economic development of a
nation
. First of all, increasing
in
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apply
show examples
such
flights
 will
make
Verb problem
create
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 a lot of jobs and from that the unemployment problems of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 will improve remarkably.
Secondly
,
flights
 for business and commercial aims will strengthen the economic connection between other nations and other continents because goods and
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 from a
nation
 easily
exchange
Wrong verb form
be exchanged
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 and
purchase
Replace the word
purchased
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 with other nations.
Moreover
,
flights
 for leisure aims will make it easier for people in the world to travel and learn about
Correct article usage
the tradition
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tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
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, culture and education of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 where they
set
Verb problem
spend
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 food
in
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apply
show examples
. From my point of view, I think that should not be taxed more because it will reduce
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 motivation of nations.
In addition
, it will limit
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 and discovery of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 around the world. In conclusion, the benefits of
flights
 for leisure, business and commercial purposes outweigh its drawbacks.
Therefore
, governments should encourage and support
such
flights
.
Submitted by weezel on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. The logical flow of your essay is important, and you can enhance it by using a variety of linking words and phrases. Align your paragraphs clearly with distinct topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the one before it.
Task Achievement
Regarding task achievement, ensure that each part of the prompt is directly addressed. For instance, the question about whether flights should be taxed more is not fully explored—your essay should include a more in-depth consideration of this aspect. Use a wider range of specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will also make your ideas clearer and easier for the reader to follow, therefore increasing the task achievement score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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