There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a belief that students should only focus on academic
subjects
in order to get high grades. Because of this
, others believe that non-academic subjects
should be removed. Personally, I disagree with these notions, I think every student need
to study sports or paint.
The first reason why I believe that non-academic Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
subjects
are needed because
the purpose of Add a missing verb
is because
this
lesson is to boost a student's skills. Schools require
to help pupils Wrong verb form
are required
to
find their passions with experienced teachers and proper facilities that they can not get from their homes. From Verb problem
apply
this
action, many of them are able to attend some good competitions that are totally useful. Furthermore
, most of them prefer to learn any kind of sports rather than sitting at
a classroom. Change preposition
in
For instance
, a recent study shown
that many professional athletes came from Add the auxiliary verb
showed
has shown
school
that had many clubs Fix the agreement mistake
schools
such
as basketball and badminton.
In addition
, if students had extreme pressure on academic achievement, it could make them feel stress
. Wrong verb form
stressed
Besides
this
, in terms of employment, if there were no more physical subjects
, the rate of unemployment would be increasing. The reason is because of
many professional Change preposition
apply
professions
begin to seek jobs in schools since some of them are Replace the word
professionals
hardly
to get. To illustrate, research in 2011 revealed that more than 15% of people who Change the word
hard
graduates
from physical Wrong verb form
graduated
major
decided to switch careers to be a teacher.
In conclusion, I highly disagree with the idea that non-academic Fix the agreement mistake
majors
subjects
should be removed then
focusing on academics because it leads to Correct your spelling
than
the
impacts Correct article usage
apply
for
Change preposition
on
students
mental health and people's income.Change noun form
students'
student's
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Introduction
The essay should have a clearer, more articulated introduction stating the topic and your stance on it. Providing a thesis statement at the end of the introduction could strengthen your argument.
Body Paragraphs
Ensure that main body paragraphs begin with clear topic sentences that tell the reader what the paragraph will be about. Support these points with specific examples or evidence.
Conclusion
In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points and restate your opinion to reinforce your argument. Avoid introducing new ideas at this stage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying the sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to back up your main points. The examples given are a bit general; more detailed instances would strengthen your argument.