Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, numerous processed foods and

beverages

have high

sugar

content, leading to more

people

suffering from health issues

such

as diabetes. To solve

this

problem, some believe that it is crucial to heighten the

price

products

containing high

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

sugar

, which will lessen the amount of

sugar

being consumed by

individuals

This

passage discusses why it is a good idea to do so. If

this

idea were about to be implemented, it is going to take a long time to

finally

be implemented optimally. Many producing companies have measured the cost and

price

that is

suitable for their

products

, which might be difficult for them if

this

regulation is going to be applied. Another problem that might arise is the impact that might

happen

Verb problem

have

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

low-income

individuals

For instance

, in some countries, soda is one of the cheapest

beverages

someone can buy

while

also

providing those who consume it with energy from

sugar

, which is one of the reasons why many

people

buy it, especially those with low income.

However

, there are many advantages that

also

need to be considered. The first one

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

health

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

improvements of the

people

. The heightened

price

of these

products

also

means that

people

are going to buy foods and

beverages

that are cheaper

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when compared to processed

products

This

will encourage

individuals

also

understand the importance of eating healthier food, which hopefully will be cheaper compared to unhealthy food. As an example,

people

who are used to

buy

Wrong verb form

buying

show examples

high

Add a hyphen

high-sugar

show examples

sugar

level drinks

are hoped

Wrong verb form

hope

show examples

to be drinking more water or homemade juice which will be cheaper in

price

. These reasons will hopefully be the reasons why

people

switch to a healthier lifestyle in the future. All in all, marking up the

price

of foods and

beverages

containing high

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

sugar

is expected to have more positive changes to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society as it will help

individuals

to have a healthier diet.

Submitted by anindyadewi58 on Thu Jan 18 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

To improve logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and that ideas progress smoothly from one to the next. Use linking words to better connect sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

For your introduction and conclusion, make sure to restate the topic and clearly present your standpoint. In your conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points to reinforce your argument.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. Detailed examples help illustrate your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

task achievement

Address the prompt completely by discussing both sides of the argument, which you have done. However, make sure to articulate your position more clearly and maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout your essay.

task achievement

Develop your ideas fully by explaining how and why making sugary products more expensive would impact consumers' choices and health. Include more comprehensive analysis and a wider range of arguments to strengthen your response.

task achievement

Although you provided an example with soda consumption among low-income individuals, aim to include more diverse and relevant examples to support your points. This will help to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and improve your score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In some countries, many people do not have enough money to access the internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet?
The Internet has changed the way we perceive day to day activities. It has affected major walks of life and given entertainment a new perspective. Majority of the western countries have digitally revolutionised and everyone has access to the internet while in other parts of the world it is still considered as a luxury. It is often argued that governments should be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet. I personally do not believe that it is the government’s responsibility to provide free internet access to everyone as it is quite an unreasonable demand. In this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
5
band
There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Academic succesion has been addicted by some people in the society. Many individuals claim that non academic subjects are not as crucial as academic ones. It is disagreed that non academic subjects such as cooking and mechanic skills should eleminated by universities. This essay, will discuss why such skills are important and give examples about it.
4.5
band
The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries; others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is private cars in city centres
5
band
Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
In the modern era, there has been a growing tendency of individuals to eat fast food which leads some people to suggest that all eating places should give information on nutritional composition on each menu. Personally, there are many benefits of this idea outweigh the drawbacks and this essay will discuss about it.
6
band
instead of requiring primary school students to do experiments themselves, schools should only alllow them to watch experiments demonstrated by teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
nstead of requiring primary school students to do experiments themselves, schools should only alllow them to watch experiments demonstrated by teachers.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some countries, many people do not have enough money to access the internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet?

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries; others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

instead of requiring primary school students to do experiments themselves, schools should only alllow them to watch experiments demonstrated by teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?