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Band 5

Some people believe that children are given too much freetime. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #freetime #time #school #work
Children
 love playing,
that is
 undeniable. By playing, they would
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 happy, which would boost their productivity.
This
 is why having a balance between playing and doing productive stuff
such
 as studying and doing chores is the key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 childhood experience, that unfortunately isn't being practised by the majority of families. Kids nowadays have extremely tip-toed quantity of either leisure or study
time
, with some of them having complete freedom on how they manage their
time
while
 others
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 no window to sit down and enjoy life.
This
 condition would ironically conjure more negative effects and affect youngsters in a bad way. For
children
 that
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
 too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 spare
time
, most of the
time
, they have little to no self-control and are not getting enough care from their
parents
.
This
 condition would
then
 result in misbehaving teenagers and could develop them to be a careless adult. As studied by a group of researchers on the topic of
gen z
Correct your spelling
Gen Z
show examples
children
, who get too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 free
time
 caused by their
parents
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 too busy and
entertainment
Replace the word
entertain
show examples
 right at their
figertips
Correct your spelling
fingertips
, most of them grew up carrying the aforementioned traits and become
an unhealthy individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
an unhealthy individual
unhealthy individuals
show examples
. The method of recovering these
children
 can be by posing them with
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
show examples
 and attention,
as well as
 schedules to make their
time
 more meaningful. As with the
children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 barely get any freedom, they would grow up into a person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 lacks creativity and would most likely become passive, as their life is controlled by their
parents
 for the most part. Understanding the necessary needs
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
, not only academically, but
also
 mentally, could help
parents
 better map their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to be more varied and expose them to extensive experiences.
Submitted by fadiljayaputra on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that there are clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the main points being discussed.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
Develop your arguments by giving more detailed examples that specifically show the effects of free time management on children's behavior.
task achievement
Make sure your essay directly answers the question - discuss both the current situation and your opinion on how children should ideally spend their free time.
language accuracy
Check for and correct minor grammatical errors to improve the overall readability of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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