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Band 5.5

The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life style. What are the advantages of this trend ? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Convenience
foods
 have gained immense popularity in recent years, enabling
people
 to cope with the fast-paced modern lifestyle.
While
convenience
foods
 offer numerous benefits, I would agree that there are some drawbacks that must be considered. One significant advantage of
convenience
foods
 is their time-saving nature. With busy schedules and long working hours,
people
 often lack the time or energy to prepare meals from scratch.
Convenience
foods
 provide a quick and easy solution, enabling
people
 to have a meal ready in minutes.
Additionally
, they are often pre-portioned, which can help with portion control and reduce food waste.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it has been proven that
people
 who consume
convenience
foods
 have a lower risk of obesity than those who
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not.
However
,
convenience
foods
also
 have some disadvantages. One major concern is their nutritional value. Many
convenience
foods
 are high in calories, sodium, and unhealthy fats, which can contribute to
health
 problems
such
 as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.
Additionally
, they often contain preservatives and additives, which can be harmful to
health
 in the long run. The fact of the matter is that
people
 who consume more
convenience
foods
 have a higher risk of developing metabolic syndrome.
To conclude
,
while
convenience
foods
 offer many benefits
such
 as time-saving and portion control, their nutritional value and potential
health
 risks must
also
 be considered. It is crucial to strike a balance between
convenience
 and
health
 when consuming these
foods
.
Therefore
, I believe that the disadvantages of
convenience
foods
 outweigh their advantages.
People
 should prioritize cooking healthy meals at home whenever possible to maintain good
health
 in the long run.
Submitted by nataly280480 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task response, make sure to address all parts of the question in a balanced way. While you did a good job discussing the advantages and disadvantages, the essay needs to provide specific examples to support your points effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance the essay's coherence and cohesion, work on the logical structure by ensuring your ideas are organized in a logical way with clear transitions between them. Moreover, using a variety of linking words and cohesive devices will help the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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