IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life style. What are the advantages of this trend ? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
 have gained immense popularity in recent years, enabling
people
Use synonyms
 to cope with the fast-paced modern lifestyle.
While
Linking Words
convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
 offer numerous benefits, I would agree that there are some drawbacks that must be considered. One significant advantage of
convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
 is their time-saving nature. With busy schedules and long working hours,
people
Use synonyms
 often lack the time or energy to prepare meals from scratch.
Convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
 provide a quick and easy solution, enabling
people
Use synonyms
 to have a meal ready in minutes.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they are often pre-portioned, which can help with portion control and reduce food waste.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it has been proven that
people
Use synonyms
 who consume
convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
 have a lower risk of obesity than those who
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not.
However
Linking Words
,
convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have some disadvantages. One major concern is their nutritional value. Many
convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
 are high in calories, sodium, and unhealthy fats, which can contribute to
health
Use synonyms
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they often contain preservatives and additives, which can be harmful to
health
Use synonyms
 in the long run. The fact of the matter is that
people
Use synonyms
 who consume more
convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
 have a higher risk of developing metabolic syndrome.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
 offer many benefits
such
Linking Words
 as time-saving and portion control, their nutritional value and potential
health
Use synonyms
 risks must
also
Linking Words
 be considered. It is crucial to strike a balance between
convenience
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
 when consuming these
foods
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that the disadvantages of
convenience
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
 outweigh their advantages.
People
Use synonyms
 should prioritize cooking healthy meals at home whenever possible to maintain good
health
Use synonyms
 in the long run.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your score in task response, make sure to address all parts of the question in a balanced way. While you did a good job discussing the advantages and disadvantages, the essay needs to provide specific examples to support your points effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance the essay's coherence and cohesion, work on the logical structure by ensuring your ideas are organized in a logical way with clear transitions between them. Moreover, using a variety of linking words and cohesive devices will help the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: