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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Christ offers light to our lives. Think about areas in your own lives that need more light.

#christ #light #lives #areas
As Catholic believers, we are called to seek and receive
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
true
love
 and eternal life from Our Lord.
And only
Correct word choice
Only
show examples
 with the
light
 of
Jesus
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we can find
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
love
 and life. If we call our life a garden,
then
 the first area that needs to be illuminated by the
light
 of
Jesus
 is faith. Faith brings us closer to God and entrusts our lives to His
love
 and providence.
Besides
, another area that
also
 needs the
light
 of
Jesus
 Christ is our actions. Because of the influence of original sin, we often live selfishly,
hatefully
Correct word choice
and hatefully
show examples
, and like to be served.
However
, Catholics are invited to learn from
Jesus
' example so that they can live in
love
, forgiveness, humility and willingness to serve. To be able to recognize the
light
 of
Jesus
 and let the
light
 of His
love
 shine, we need to humbly admit our own mistakes, sincerely convert, regularly listen to God's Word and receive it. sacraments.
To sum up
, like plants need
light
 to determine direction and growth, we
also
 need the
light
 of
Jesus
 Christ to be able to find the right calling, the right path that He wants us to follow to live in his eternal
love
.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a reasonable response to the prompt, but there are opportunities to enhance clarity and specificity. To improve task achievement, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is supported by specific examples or explanations. This will help the reader understand how Christ's light specifically impacts different areas of life.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence and cohesion, work on transitioning smoothly between your ideas. Using linking phrases and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can guide the reader through your arguments more effectively. Make sure each sentence builds upon the last, thus ensuring logical structure and progression throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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