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Band 5.5

Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that they have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #internet #downloads #effect #music #industry #impact #artists
The
music
industry
 has changed vastly since the golden days of Beethoven and Mozart. With the rapid growth of the
internet
 and smartphones, listening to
music
 has become easier than ever.
Instead
 of having to attend concerts, listeners can just plug their headphones into a smartphone and listen to
music
 online.
While
this
 has its fair share of benefits, record labels have been hesitant to expand into the online
music
industry
 since it has various drawbacks, including
piracy
issues
 and monetization. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the aforementioned
issues
as well as
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 my own opinion. On one hand, the explosive growth of online
music
 websites has made it exponentially harder for record labels and
artists
 to control and monetize their work. These people are concerned that as the
internet
music
industry
 grows, so do the
piracy
issues
.
This
 may cause everyone to copy each other, making
music
 seem unoriginal and uninterested. It can
also
 discourage
artists
to produce
Change preposition
from producing
show examples
 and
release
Wrong verb form
releasing
show examples
music
, as there are no ways for them to ensure that their
music
 is being used as they intended
as well as
 controlling where their works are being published.
Overall
, illegal
Internet
downloads
 can have negative effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
 and the
music
industry
 as a whole.
On the other hand
, having the ability to publish
music
 on the
internet
 - where millions of users are actively using and discussing every day - has helped new
artists
 get discovered and grow.
Moreover
, the growth of
music
piracy
 has pushed streaming platforms to take extra steps to prevent illegal
downloads
. It's not hard to understand why in the early 2000s, record labels and
artists
 were trying to take down
music
 streaming platforms that were allowing users to download
music
 freely and distribute it wherever they please. The most notable case of
this
 is perhaps Napster, as
this
 platform was taken down after a huge wave of protests to protect the rights of composers. Because of
this
, most streaming platforms like Spotify and Apple
Music
 include features that help
artists
 control their
music
 distribution and monetization.
Therefore
, it's almost impossible to pirate
music
 now, unlike in the 2000s. To summarize, illegal
Internet
downloads
 can and have caused a ton of
issues
 regarding
piracy
 and monetization, but they helped push the development of tools to ensure these
issues
 never happen again.
Therefore
, it's safe to say that illegal
downloads
 aren't an issue in the modern world.
Submitted by walker57842 on

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task achievement
Try to address both views more accurately and fully, ensuring that your personal opinion is consistently clear throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to more effectively structure your essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to illustrate the impact of illegal downloading on the music industry.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • illegal downloads
  • financial losses
  • record labels
  • decrease in sales
  • perception
  • undermine
  • upcoming artists
  • pirated
  • exposure
  • concert attendance
  • merchandise sales
  • alternative revenue streams
  • live performances
  • sponsorships
  • streaming platforms
  • business models
  • loyal fan base
  • adapt
  • mitigate
  • thrive
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