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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
#results #survey #people’s #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities
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The given bar graphs demonstrate the difference between habits of drinking and or buying tea and or
coffee
Use synonyms
 among
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
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citizens’
Change noun form
citizens
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 of
five
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cities
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. As an
overall
Linking Words
 trend, it can be seen that in all
five
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Use synonyms
cities
Add a comma
cities,
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 the lowest percentage of
people
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 have bought fresh
coffee
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 in the
last
Linking Words
 four weeks. The chart clearly shows that
people
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 in all
five
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cities
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 prefer buying instant
coffee
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instead
Linking Words
 of fresh
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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. In a number of
cities
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 like Sydney and
Melbourne
Add a comma
Melbourne,
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 the difference is less than 5%,
however
Linking Words
, in
Brisban
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Brisban,
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 it is slightly more than 15%. It is interesting to note that not only do the residents buy
coffee
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,
they
Correct word choice
but they
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also
Linking Words
 regularly visit cafés, and it is a trend in all
capital
Fix the agreement mistake
capitals
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 except Adelaide. From the
data
Add a comma
data,
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 we can see that in Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart almost the same percentage of
people
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 (around 60%) went to a café for tea or
coffee
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 and it is approximately 20% more than in Adelaide. It is obvious that the habits of the residents of various
cities
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 are pretty similar. In four out of
five
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Use synonyms
cities
Add a comma
cities,
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people
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 would prefer going to a café
instead
Linking Words
 of buying instant
coffee
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 buying fresh
coffee
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 is
at
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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third place. Only in
Adelaide
Add a comma
Adelaide,
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 the results are slightly
various
Replace the word
varied
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: the most popular trend there is buying instant
coffee
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while
Linking Words
 buying fresh
coffee
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 is still the least desirable option in all other
cities
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.
Submitted by nzgvrv on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "instead".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, five, cities, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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